Facelift Or Mind Lift, Which One At 71?

Since I turned 50, I have been constantly reading and learning  aging experiences and elderly views.  The very first book I read was a gift from my assistant on my 50th birthday: 

Reflections on Midlife, subtitled: 

"Are you too young to read this book?"

Preoccupied with work and taking care of family earlier, I must have forgotten myself for awhile there that this awareness came too late for me.  Anyways,  I'm not that obsessed with looks, I just want to appear presentable and thoroughly cleaned up.   If I were more conscious, could I have delayed my physical aging? I wonder. 

From books, blogs and articles on aging, many say that 30 is a dreaded age because that's when looks gradually start to fade.  They compare the ages 21 and 40 and claim that these two stages even out.  While one still possesses that innocent look, the fresh and wrinkle-free face coupled with tireless energy; at age 40, still young-looking enough but matured, the change is already obvious on the face and the entire body,  but easily passable; yet the wisdom and experience gained outweigh the physical beauty.  Yes, at age 40, most parts of the body start going down, really!  Someone even said of herself, "Why, it used to be a well-shaped butt, but not anymore!". 

Yay! I am not 40 anymore but I'll take my body anytime!  With thanks! It's also the only body I've got and yes, it's still a healthy body; no maintenance medicine whatsoever, just vitamins.  I had my laboratory tests recently and my doctor said that anything high there could be managed with the proper diet. 

As I start the second year of my eighth decade this week, I look at it with great possibilities and I know no boundaries.  But let me tell you, any attempt to make myself look younger is not one of them.  I'd rather look forward to another year full of love, adventure and purpose.  It is really a precious privilege to be alive, I am happy to live to this day, a blessing not enjoyed by many. 

In this modern age when most of the entire world are obsessed with anti-aging creams, liposuction, enhancement,  botox and facelift,  I'd rather put my money on mind lift.  And why not?  Aging is beyond our control no matter what we do to camouflage it; but the mind on the other hand is continuously growing and will flourish to a certain age as long as we work the brain to keep it going. 

 I have a fairly good attitude about aging, but sometimes, when I look at the mirror, I am often confronted by the question, 

"where had the years gone?"; but when sense dawns, I accept the inevitable; the craw lines around the eyes, the wrinkles, the thinning gray-to-white hair, the arms looking like crepe paper and the folds on the neck.  But I say that looks aren't everything. 

On the flip side, I am proud of my wisdom and the experiences I gained through the years, something I wish I had at 21.  If I had those, could I have made better choices that made a difference in my life today, like a fuller life perhaps?    Nevertheless, I do not despair, there is still time, right?   And who says there is a limit to achieve our goals at an advanced age?  

I am happy though with what I am and with what I have.  I love the life that I found at 71.   My time-rich life after decluttering and living a simple life allows me to indulge more on my passions and pay more attention to my family. 

It's so easy to get lost in this digital-age jungle; where we could miss the chance from having a meaningful, happy and abundant life if we don't watch what we're doing.   Nowadays we are frequently barraged with new things, new ideas and discoveries that eat our time and attention that often distract us from what really matters.  It's a good thing though that I know what I want and what to do for the remainder of my life. 

Buffet Works Due To The Variety Of Choices

It has been raining since last night but we look forward to Fridays because it's our regular bonding time with our granddaughter.  Though I prepared caldereta and fried spring rolls, both her favorites, Jim wanted to eat out saying that the prepared food will be good for dinner. 

In my older daughter's car on the way to Vikings, I was telling my granddaughter, (who loves to listen to stories way back when), that when Jim and I were in college, we liked rainy days when classes were suspended, just like she had no classes today.  "We go to the mall, the movies and eat out" I told her.

"Maybe that's why Papa, (as she fondly calls Jim), wants to eat out today", I said and she smiled. 

Vikings is one of the best buffet restaurants in town who claim to offer the best spread, all those carvings of beef, pork, lamb and  chicken roasts, Chinese, Italian and Japanese food, the hot casseroles, seafood especially the salmon and tuna sashimi, all kinds of pasta, salads, drinks, a variety of juices, wine, tea and coffee; a big station for dessert along with every offering possible. 

"Ma", my older daughter was talking on the phone to her mother-in-law who must have asked how it is going, "we have been here for just an hour but we're already full". 

While I observed that many were really having their fill of the Ebi tempura, the porchetta and other favorites, I told my daughter the advantage of going to a buffet rather than ala carte.  

"It's really the variety of choices that works for me, not necessarily the quantity", I said.   Besides, you have everything including drinks and dessert without extra cost. 

Everytime Jim and I eat out he would ask me what I like to eat and most often, I'd say, "I'll eat anything, you decide", because I don't know what I want to eat anymore, most often I only like to eat a taco.  But in a buffet, I don't have to think, I only choose, it's easier, right? 

After a while, we asked each other if we were done, and yes, we all were.  Again I praised myself for not letting my eyes take over that I felt just right though I couldn't help eating halo halo, my favorite. 

My older daughter asked if I get a discount on my birthday month, there's none unless the birthday is within the week, "but we will provide a cake", the hostess said.  My daughter took a picture and sent it to her siblings abroad. 

I had the mini cake wrapped to go and my maid back home was happy when I gave it to her. 

My granddaughter wanted to go home afterwards to do homework so I just gave her a container of the caldereta for her dinner. 

Do You Know How To Be Happy?

Why is happiness so elusive?  Why can't we be happy all the time?  But if we are, we can't appreciate happiness, right?  Too many of us are unhappy; some even go to the extent of traveling far and wide looking for it.   Others shop endlessly or hang out often in bars to dull boredom and hope to fine happiness there. 

On the flip side some of us are afraid to be happy that we tone it down when we are for fear that something may go wrong.  I grew up around a lot of aunts and grand aunts who believed in this myth;  

"Don't be too happy", they said  "something bad may happen".  Haven't we heard that from our old folks back then?

In recent years when I had more time to reflect,  I realized that I am truly happy.  Happy like what experts say is sustainable; meaning, I'm not only happy in good times being with family or friends but that feeling of well-being persists even when I'm alone;  and the same sustains me through rough times as well.  Here's my formula and by sharing it, I hope it can also work for you. 

First and foremost, I always live in the present; in-the-here-and-now.  I  find joy in what the moment brings; I enjoy every minute without worrying so much of the past and not apprehensive about the future.  

Experts say that we must have a  purpose in life, but how are we to know that?   How about we look deep into our hearts and minds what exactly we love doing?  Where do we excel? What are our God-given gifts?  Whatever they are, we should be doing just that.  Aren't we happy whenever we like what we do?

When I was working, I was so preoccupied with work and during weekends when I wasn't working I did personal errands, kept the home wholesome, cooked and bonded with family that recognizing my passions also eluded me.  But when I retired and I had more time to reflect, I realized that I've been doing exactly what I like doing all along.  Fortunately for me, I discovered my passions and now I live my dream no matter how simple it maybe to others.  Though my bucket list has not been totally fulfilled, I  can't ask for more. 

I love selling things and I'm so grateful that Jim supported me in this endeavor; he helped me put up the convenience store.  Even when It was making what he calls just "coffee money", he never discouraged me, instead he helped me make the business work.  Now that we are both retired I'm  glad we never gave it up, it is something to do and I find it a good venue to put my management skills to work. 

I love to write and when my Facebook postings became lengthy; my younger daughter noticed,  she said they are better in a blog; so she opened my blog account.  Now I have a venue for self expression and to share my work.   My adrenaline flows when a new topic hits me and I get excited developing it.  While I enjoy writing and publishing my blog, good feedback is just a bonus, but the writing is the real fun. 

Gardening is another passion that I got from my Papa who love to garden, maybe it's also in my genes.  I find it a blessing that Jim also loves to garden.  This is a hobby we both share and enjoy,  it helps me unwind and get me grounded, literally and figuratively.  Now, I even started selling plants making  "just enough for coffee".  Our backyard edible garden is our pride and joy, it puts veggies on the  table.  Besides, it gives us a lot of talking points as well. 

"Do you know that the bird with the long tail is chasing away the butterflies?".  Jim said about the bird that frequents our garden.  I found that an  interesting observation.   You see this is a bit of a concern to us since we've been wondering why our plants bear a lot of flowers but yield  minimal fruits.  That's when he said that we need the butterflies. 

"What can we do about it?" I said, "we just have to let nature take its course".   See?, trivial, maybe, but interesting!  I love topics like that, it gives flavor to an otherwise ordinary morning, a simple pleasure, really!

Happiness is a state of the mind; experts say that to be happy is a choice and it depends a lot on how we perceive things and events.  We are advised to be careful with our thoughts from the moment we wake up in the morning, we should choose wisely;. do we want to be enthusiastic about what the new day brings?  If so, we should make a conscious choice so we can live a happy and meaningful life. 

Our happiness should not be dependent on others; that's why to seek popularity is putting our happiness at risk because chances are that we would be disappointed.   How many people feel depressed because they don't get the popularity they think they deserve.

Experts further say that our happiness should not be dependent on external things; otherwise we can never be content with what we have.  We will always want more; a bigger house, the best car, the latest gadget, more clothes, jewelry, where will it end?  Kathy Gottberg, in one of her Smart Living blogs wrote that "once our basic needs are met, money or more of anything won't make a difference".   That is why simple living works for many because they feel they have enough. 

What about you, have you found your purpose?  Come on, let's chase our dreams and follow our passions; a true way to be happy.  After all what's said and done, happiness is from within and  it's really up to us if we want to be happy or not. 

Let me end this by quoting a prayerful friend, Nina who asks: 

" What is true happiness, is it in between too much and too little?  Is it just wealth to meet our needs or just poverty to learn to work harder?  More blessings to know that God loves us or loads of problems so we don't forget Him?".

Conquering My Dead Spots

One advantage of being retired is having more time to reflect and appreciate how wonderful life really is.  After focusing on decluttering and trying to live a simple life I want to right everything to have a clear mind and a lighter heart.  I want to make amends for my mistakes, my omissions, my shortcomings as well as acts that were not very pleasing to others.  In other words, I'm trying to eliminate all my dead spots. 

What is a dead spot?  In the digital world, it is a place with no signal, rendering communication impossible with our cellphone.  On an iPad or iPhone screen, a dead spot is sometimes observed when we click an icon and nothing happens.

In the ocean or bodies of water, dead zone means lack of oxygen in the water that fish and marine life have difficulty to survive.  Hence a dead spot is a place where life is difficult or where there can be no life at all. 

What about us, do we have dead spots?  When the priest asked this at Sunday mass, I couldn't get it out of my mind.  So I went through an examination of conscience to know my dead spots.  I realized then that this isn't just physical, in fact I believe I need more work on the emotional and mental aspects.

Physically, we are alerted by discomfort or pain, but sometimes we can't even feel anything.  Sans the pain, we just have to do regular medical check-ups; when there is pain we know that we need to see our doctor. 

Wouldn't it be wise then to be vigilant so we don't develop a dead spot?  I believe that the elderly are more conscious of this because when we are young we are inclined to think or feel invincible that we tend to neglect our physical health.  Late nights, too much booze, erratic diet are some of the pitfalls; It's a pity that we don't always see the relevance of a healthy lifestyle when we are younger.  On the emotional and mental part, I know that I have to be conscious of my thoughts, words and actions. 

This is what Jim and I do to keep physical dead spots at bay:

Definitely exercise is a given.

We garden for enjoyment and to de-stress.

Feeling a pain? We see our Iridologist. 

If it's a numbness, a sprain or a fracture, we go to our chiropractor. 

We keep our faculties intact by reading a lot, we try to recall things that elude our minds and if recalling takes so long to a point that the effort gives us a headache, we google the answer.  We update ourselves to be current all the time.   When I compose my blog, he helps me choose the right words.  Hopefully, all these work of the brain will keep us lucid for the longest time.  My mother-in-law often said:  

"what you don't use, you lose", 

that's why we need to exercise our brains as well.

What is most challenging for me and I believe is also true to others is conquering our emotional dead spots. 

"Am I still angry with someone?", 

I ask myself.  If so, then I should forgive,  though it would be good for me to stay away from this person from now on. 

"Did I act out of propriety?  Did I offend someone?  Was my anger misplaced?"   I can't live with something like that so, i do need to rectify it.  An apology is in order. 

"Did I fail to do something for somebody, even without his knowledge?".   Margaret Elizabeth Sangster, in her famous poem, The Sin of Omission aptly explains this.  Below is the first stanza: 

"It's not the thing you do, dear; 

It's the thing you leave undone; 

that gives you a bit  of heartache

at the setting of the sun." 

Upon reflection,  I feel that this last issue is the reason for some sleepless nights.   It is hard to cope with guilt that we often say: "if only"; and ask,  "what if?", "would that have assured someone, comforted someone,  appeased someone?"

In retrospect, I feel lucky that I can still make up for some issues while there is time.    

How Well Do You Know Your Family

Another quiz?  Like the ones that are often posted on Facebook.?  

No, no, no, no, -------wait!  Please continue reading.  This is not a test, you will not  answer twenty questions nor tick boxes. 

How well do you know your family?  The priest asked one Sunday morning during the homily.  I'm sure that many of us who were in the church had mixed reactions;  surely some were proud for knowing exactly how each member of their families tick, while others who must have been defensive started to mentally put together excuses and the rest just had to live with their guilt; depending of course on how much interest, time and effort we devote to each and every member of our families. 

Every time I watch  "Everybody's  Fine", the movie, (one of my favorites because I can relate),  I always cry for Robert de Niro who was lonely and helpless after his wife passed away.  I can truly feel his pain and know exactly what he was going through. 

Busy with work earlier to support his family, he only talked to the kids to enforced discipline.  When his wife passed, he lost his connection with the children that it was difficult to establish good rapport.

When all his children begged off coming home for a planned reunion, he took the initiative to visit each one.  In spite doctor's advice due to a heart condition he took the road trip only to find that they were all preoccupied with their own lives and they barely had time for him.  Moreover, he found that his children's lives were not as perfect as they led him to believe. 

"You always called your Mom,  you never talked to me",  he told his daughter, a  stage performer,  while they were having  dinner in her pretend condo in Las Vegas.  She didn't even tell him that the baby she was looking after is her own. 

My husband and I are lucky that when our children call,  we don't take turns talking on the phone while the other listens on the extension.  We talk to them together instead on FaceTime, this allows us to update each one.  Moreover, we also get to see the latest antics of our growing two-year-old grandson. 

One Aha! Parenting blog mentioned that we have to make a connection that is better established when our children are still young.  It is said that parents and children as well need that connection, thus making the parents happy and fulfilled while  the children feel secure and loved.  

Having a routine with the children even when we are busy with work and other commitments would help develop a connection that would hopefully last beyond childhood.  It's easy once we get used to doing it, my husband and I did just that.  This is a way to develop trust and eventually lead to more sharing. 

I am one who is always watching and asking how each of my children are getting along.  I believe that's not a bad thing because they understand that I'm interested in their lives, their careers, beliefs, ambitions, passions and preoccupation.

Everytime the family get together, I always make time to talk to each and everyone individually.  I ask my granddaughter about school and her friends.  When my younger daughter comes for a visit (or when we do visit), we stay up to the wee hours catching up.  When we meet our son, a good time to catch up is when we share a meal with him.  We talk to our older daughter who is in town everyday so we are updated on each other's day-to-day activities. 

What Robert de Niro failed to do in the movie is to give positive affirmations.   Hugs were not given automatically; loving and encouraging words were never said from the time his children were young; and he never participated in any of their activities.   As a result he didn't have that connection with them as adults, so they stayed distant.

In this digital age however, there is no reason not to get in touch with family on a regular basis even if we live across the seas from each other.   My family never fail to greet each other on birthdays and anniversaries wherever we maybe at the time.   Important events and celebrations are given priority,  our calendars are marked way ahead of time to ensure our presence at the event.

A family is expected to support each other.  In mine, we send consoling words if someone is hurting; oftentimes my daughters send each other a simple text like "hugs" that gives so much more comfort than a lot of words can do.   When someone needs prayer, we ask and everybody will pray; when our newly-born grandson underwent a complicated medical procedure everybody prayed on a specific hour, afterwards, my son said that it was like the 3 o'clock habit. 

Here's another connection we developed early on when we started traveling with the kids; after a vacation with relatives in the US and Vancouver, we messaged our thanks and said that we got back safely.  Nowadays, we still do that to our family, whoever travels would message: 

 "thank you for giving us a good time",  

"The meals were great, your cooking is incomparable"

"Boarding now",

"Just landed safely". 

And the traveler gets back a reply like these:

"We enjoyed your visit, come again soon", 

"Have a safe trip", 

"Safe and happy landings!"

My older daughter will go farther than that, she would message: " we're here at hotel ----now and in room no.-----, whenever she travels with her family.

Oh, and by the way, when our children travel, photos are sent one after another.  

With the above, I don't know what more or how else could a family be closer and could know each other better.  

What Minimalism Taught Me

For many people, the past year was just an ordinary one, but for me, last year is one of the happiest years of my life.  We moved to this new home with renewed enthusiasm for the future.  We've taken away everything we deemed not important. For the first time, I felt everything is in order, and with minor fine-tuning here and there, we have a home running on oiled wheels. 

Thanks to the earlier decluttering  that we did and the simple living ways that we adapted.  As a result, we feel lighter; truly, minimalism is in sync with simple living in many ways. 

"Minimizing is better than organizing", says Joshua Becker in one of his blogs, Becomingminimalist.   His philosophy being that organizing can be a cycle, it has no end, we'll be doing it again sometime soon, if not over and over again.    Minimizing on the other hand gives us some kind of permanence as well as the freedom and the space that leaves us more time to pursue other opportunities.  Yes, take it from me, "I've been there, done that".

Being  a minimalist is very popular nowadays that more and more people are embracing the idea; what with life becoming more expensive.  A great majority of us have come to our senses and finally learned not to be taken easily by sales pitches and advertisements, we now look for value for money and try to acquire only things that are timeless.  Nowadays, some retailers are having a dilemma because tourists minimize shopping, if not totally omit it; they travel more for the experience. 

Though we had decluttered, I realized that we can't totally embrace minimalism.   There are stuff that we're used to having around; old habits are hard to break.  Besides I want a warm house free from clutter but not bare, I still want to put my personal touch; so I kept my celadon collection, a few decorative vases and coffee table books even though my younger daughter asks why buy a book only for the purpose of putting it on your coffee table?  She has a point, right and it resonates with minimalism. 

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 The good thing though is that I learned to stop shopping except for food and the essentials.   I'm trying to adhere to zero shopping like Cait Flanders' shopping ban on herself as expressed in her blog: Blonde on a Budget. 

But then, what is true minimalism through and through, as in true blue?   Is there a standard?  Can it be measured by the number of stuff we keep, like only 100 pieces or is it 1000?  I have yet to get an answer.  

What I understand though is that by becoming minimalist, we have to purged all of the excesses in our lives, not just material things.  If we eat too much, drink too much, smoke too much, those are excessive.   Spending too much time on facebook or on the phone runs counter to the principle of minimalism.    When we cook too much food and throw away the left overs, we are not minimalists.  My  younger daughter today messaged me that she will limit herself to only two days a week of watching tv, she feels that too much exposure to that little box is not good for her. 

Finally I conclude that minimalism is knowing when and practicing what is enough for us and to overcome which ones are excessive.  

So, what do you think?  Am I on the right track?  Did I put the correct message across? 

My Simple Pleasures

Pleasure is a happy experience we enjoy, however, we may not feel the same degree of enjoyment that is felt by another individual experiencing the same situation.  I believe that it is the lifestyle we are used to, our work, the people we associate with, our family and friends and all the things that make up our lives determine our degree of appreciation. 

Oftentimes we are bored with the circumstances around us as well as with the things we possess.  Sometimes nothing seems interesting anymore, we hang out in the same country clubs, the same vacation resorts and meet practically the same people.   To break this boredom, we shop frequently hoping to find the satisfaction we are looking for, and maybe this will make us happy.   

But pleasure seems so elusive; the pleasure of buying something actually ends the very moment we own it, unless the stuff will sustain our passion.  But the world has so much to give; why not focus on nature?

I recall when my younger daughter suggested that I join the 100-happy-days challenge;  I had to post on Facebook or Twitter what made me happy everyday for 100 days.  Initially, I thought it was really a challenge since I may ran out of things to post, it even got me a bit worried.  But I successfully made it, in fact, some days I even had two or three issues to post.  

My secret?  Awareness is the key.  I lived in the moment, I focused closely on the goings on around me. I paid attention to people, what they said or did; I listened, I felt; I looked at my surroundings with a 360-degree vision; I used my five senses to observe everything.  This made me realize that the simple things are the ones that really give so much pleasure. 

Sometime this week, my husband and I were sitting in the garden, talking.  Out of nowhere, a bird with the long tail breezily passed by close to our faces.  We both stopped talking, smiled and enjoyed that fleeting moment.  That felt wow!  This bird visits our garden many times everyday, sometimes tagging along smaller birds, they like the rice hull we add to the soil mix.  They keep flying about or alighting on the tree or on the ground, they seem comfortable in our presence. That felt nice, I love these garden visitors. 

I find it pleasurable walking before sunrise, the time when it's already light but early enough that the world is still asleep.  I love that it is quiet with minimal movement; except the morning sounds of chirping birds and the movement of the leaves touched by the passing breeze.

With my hot cup of coffee on hand, I go out to the front lawn early in the morning to check on the ornamentals and if I find even a single flower that bloomed, I am delighted so I snap a picture.  

I was so happy when I found not one but four gumamela flowers opened this morning. 

Another morning pleasure is buying and eating "hot pandesal", from Pan De Manila, a famous breakfast staple here like croissant is to the French. 

Oftentimes these little pleasures are taken for granted or even ignored. To take advantage of nature's beauty we must always be aware of everything around us, always take time to smell the flowers, as they say. 

Here are more of the few things that give me pleasure:

Lying down on fresh new sheets and pillows.

Eating toasted crunchy ciabatta drizzled with olive oil and sprinkled with rosemary leaves. 

Reading a novel after dinner before going to bed.

Looking through pictures on interior and garden decoration

When my iPad dings and there's a free ebook from Bookbub

Eating breakfast outdoors

The feel of warm latte going down my throat when I take my first sip

The lovely scent of linen spray as I enter our bedroom

Eat Milka chocolate during my downtime. 

The smell of vanilla all over the house when I'm baking raisin oatmeal cookies. 

However, please don't think that my pleasure point is so low that I can't appreciate great pleasure.  Offhand, I can mention three:

When we get together with all my children and their families.

When my granddaughter comes over, hugs me and says:

"I love you Nana".

When we get good news from our children about their work, their achievements or anything good or exciting that happened in their lives. 

But when we FaceTime with our 2-year-old grandson and he is prodded to call me and he says "Nana", oh! that's major pleasure.