How Well Do You Know Your Family

Another quiz?  Like the ones that are often posted on Facebook.?  

No, no, no, no, -------wait!  Please continue reading.  This is not a test, you will not  answer twenty questions nor tick boxes. 

How well do you know your family?  The priest asked one Sunday morning during the homily.  I'm sure that many of us who were in the church had mixed reactions;  surely some were proud for knowing exactly how each member of their families tick, while others who must have been defensive started to mentally put together excuses and the rest just had to live with their guilt; depending of course on how much interest, time and effort we devote to each and every member of our families. 

Every time I watch  "Everybody's  Fine", the movie, (one of my favorites because I can relate),  I always cry for Robert de Niro who was lonely and helpless after his wife passed away.  I can truly feel his pain and know exactly what he was going through. 

Busy with work earlier to support his family, he only talked to the kids to enforced discipline.  When his wife passed, he lost his connection with the children that it was difficult to establish good rapport.

When all his children begged off coming home for a planned reunion, he took the initiative to visit each one.  In spite doctor's advice due to a heart condition he took the road trip only to find that they were all preoccupied with their own lives and they barely had time for him.  Moreover, he found that his children's lives were not as perfect as they led him to believe. 

"You always called your Mom,  you never talked to me",  he told his daughter, a  stage performer,  while they were having  dinner in her pretend condo in Las Vegas.  She didn't even tell him that the baby she was looking after is her own. 

My husband and I are lucky that when our children call,  we don't take turns talking on the phone while the other listens on the extension.  We talk to them together instead on FaceTime, this allows us to update each one.  Moreover, we also get to see the latest antics of our growing two-year-old grandson. 

One Aha! Parenting blog mentioned that we have to make a connection that is better established when our children are still young.  It is said that parents and children as well need that connection, thus making the parents happy and fulfilled while  the children feel secure and loved.  

Having a routine with the children even when we are busy with work and other commitments would help develop a connection that would hopefully last beyond childhood.  It's easy once we get used to doing it, my husband and I did just that.  This is a way to develop trust and eventually lead to more sharing. 

I am one who is always watching and asking how each of my children are getting along.  I believe that's not a bad thing because they understand that I'm interested in their lives, their careers, beliefs, ambitions, passions and preoccupation.

Everytime the family get together, I always make time to talk to each and everyone individually.  I ask my granddaughter about school and her friends.  When my younger daughter comes for a visit (or when we do visit), we stay up to the wee hours catching up.  When we meet our son, a good time to catch up is when we share a meal with him.  We talk to our older daughter who is in town everyday so we are updated on each other's day-to-day activities. 

What Robert de Niro failed to do in the movie is to give positive affirmations.   Hugs were not given automatically; loving and encouraging words were never said from the time his children were young; and he never participated in any of their activities.   As a result he didn't have that connection with them as adults, so they stayed distant.

In this digital age however, there is no reason not to get in touch with family on a regular basis even if we live across the seas from each other.   My family never fail to greet each other on birthdays and anniversaries wherever we maybe at the time.   Important events and celebrations are given priority,  our calendars are marked way ahead of time to ensure our presence at the event.

A family is expected to support each other.  In mine, we send consoling words if someone is hurting; oftentimes my daughters send each other a simple text like "hugs" that gives so much more comfort than a lot of words can do.   When someone needs prayer, we ask and everybody will pray; when our newly-born grandson underwent a complicated medical procedure everybody prayed on a specific hour, afterwards, my son said that it was like the 3 o'clock habit. 

Here's another connection we developed early on when we started traveling with the kids; after a vacation with relatives in the US and Vancouver, we messaged our thanks and said that we got back safely.  Nowadays, we still do that to our family, whoever travels would message: 

 "thank you for giving us a good time",  

"The meals were great, your cooking is incomparable"

"Boarding now",

"Just landed safely". 

And the traveler gets back a reply like these:

"We enjoyed your visit, come again soon", 

"Have a safe trip", 

"Safe and happy landings!"

My older daughter will go farther than that, she would message: " we're here at hotel ----now and in room no.-----, whenever she travels with her family.

Oh, and by the way, when our children travel, photos are sent one after another.  

With the above, I don't know what more or how else could a family be closer and could know each other better.