Reflections At 70

Picture from 123RF stock photo. Copywriter - Robyn Mackenzie

Not everyone is blessed to live up to 70; I can't believe I'm one of the lucky few to have made it to my eighth decade of life. Time really goes by and if I open my memory playlist, memories dance in my mind; my triumphs and disappointments, good times and bad, challenges I had overcome; experiences that are wonderful and sweet, horrible and painful.  Along with regrets is a resolve to make things better, thankful as well that by God's grace, I still have time left.

But I know one thing, time is running out, I am aware that our lives hang on a thread that easily breaks and any moment maybe our last.  Just yesterday, I got dizzy sorting my glassware.  It became more complicated when I took a tablet on an empty stomach.  This reminded me that life can be tricky and that I can't be sure how much time I have left to spend with my husband, my children and grandchildren; something I just couldn't get enough of.  

Why do I feel that the days are shorter and time passes like a breeze.  So, when I blow the candle on my birthday cake this month, my wish is to be given more time.  Hopefully with luck I'll remain put together for a few more years to live and do my undertakings well.

As I focus on my memory playlist,  I feel blessed that most of my bucket list have come true; and maybe I shouldn't ask for more.  Yet--- why do I feel like I still have 70 things I want to do; there is that unreachable bar I need to reach, new opportunities and experiences to embrace.  Shouldn't life be like that;  a continuous journey full of interesting activities to fulfill our passions?  As Oprah said:

"Passion is energy, feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you."

I recall one conversation I had with my son when I turned sixty; I was at the lowest point in my life then.  On one of our afternoon walks just around the neighborhood of his condo in Singapore, he said that I am blessed with a good life, I had my share of travel and great experiences professionally and personally.  Maybe he meant that I should be content since I've "been there, done all that"; therefore I should be happy, right?  Ohh ---- that I am!

But then, I felt that my life should not end there. 

Now, ten years after that talk, I feel like I just couldn't float along the waves of life, I choose to stay in the game.  I am always hopeful that anytime soon, I'll find a spark of knowledge or experience that will enhance my passions, my talents or abilities to do something that would make me excited.  For me that's what living is all about, not just existing; for what is a life without something to look forward to; whatever that is; I know it varies at different stages of life. 

Was it only last month when my husband showed me the veggie seeds he bought:

"Look, I got mustard and cabbage seeds that I intend to sow on my pocket garden", he said;  

He meant that he has something to nurture along with his ornamentals,  a reason to get up in the morning to check how they are growing.

That's exactly what I mean, no matter our age, we can still embark on activities we are passionate about; something that gives us fulfillment and makes us forget time; let's not wait for things to happen; let's make things happen.   If we must, then let's live outside of the box, outside of normal if that is what it takes to live the life of our dreams.  As Brian Tracy says: 

"let's do the unusual thing, we must be willing to go out of our comfort zone and not feel awkward and uncomfortable in trying something new".

Now I recall one popular post on facebook about a man who went to have his phone checked.

"Your phone is working fine", the technician told him. 

"But why doesn't my children ever call?", he asked. 

Early on, my husband and I came to terms in dealing with this situation; though we love to be with our children often, we have our own hobbies, and pre-occupation to keep us going.  When our children are around, we drop everything to make the most of the opportunity.  

So to this man (whose phone doesn't ring), I can only say to "get a life"; do something to while away time, find something of interest and develop it as a hobby.  Here's an advise from one of the blogs at 70candles.com:  "live your life and make it a verb everyday".

It is unfortunate how life plays with us and we never know what is next.  How will my next chapter; at least, the next ten years play out, what's more, how will it end?  I know it's all up to The Almighty for He plans everything. 

Someone said that: 

"the success of a race isn't determined by how you start but how you finish. It's the second half that counts".   

To make better the remainder of my second half, I'd like to hid Dr. Plaster when he asked in his book: "The 100-year Lifestyle": 

"Are you hibernating or are you ready for your next big thing?"

He says that choosing the next big thing will bring incredible passion back into one's life. He mentions Helen Pavlov as an example, who at the age of 94 was able to write and publish a book. 

And what Bruce Lee said to his friend, John Little during a training run is also something to think about:  --- If you stop at your limits:

"…you might as well be dead. Seriously, if you always put limits on what you can do, physical or anything else, it’ll spread over into the rest of your life. It’ll spread into your work, into your morality, into your entire being. There are no limits. There are plateaus, but you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. If it kills you, it kills you. A man must constantly exceed his level.” --- Bruce Lee

At this stage however, I won't try to exceed my physical limits but plateaus won't discourage me to pursue my endeavors.  For now I will be on the lookout for that spark of an idea or that adrenaline-filled experience that will lead me to my next big thing.  After all they all say that 70 is a vibrant age if one has a good state of health and especially a good state of mind.  Therefore I shall look forward to conquering any challenge that will make my remaining days more amazing than they had ever been. 

Looking forward to new beginnings! (A struggle to move on)

There was no flash of light to signal that this would change our lives forever.   We left our home for reasons I cannot divulge momentarily, suffice to say that circumstances (at least to us) are no longer conducive to a healthy and peaceful life. 

I thought all along that we will stay forever in our home of 38 years; I also did not expect that we will leave it without much hesitation, without blinking our eyes.  We made up our minds upon the advice of our children. 

I learned soon enough that moving means giving up a lot of things no matter how big the new place is; somehow it's an opportunity to discard things no longer in use for quite sometime, a good reason to declutter.   

When I started sorting our belongings, I realized how much we have accumulated in all these 46 years.  (incidentally,  that day was our 46th wedding anniversary).  As my husband greeted me with a kiss and a hug that morning, he said:

"What a way to spend our anniversary!".

My thoughts were divided though.  While I was sad to leave familiar things and surroundings behind; I tried to be strong so I leaned on the thought that it would also be exciting to venture into something new and feel the relief in leaving behind the baggage of a life that has been.  But I was wrong when I thought it would be easy for me.  

When I started to pack our necessities, and a few change of clothes to last us a few days until the movers come, I felt like it was tearing our lives apart.  I was a walking zombie as I disassembled our lives and compartmentalized them in boxes. I couldn't believe we're doing this, I was hurting and nothing felt right. 

Then I tackled the albums.  I am a sentimental person when it comes to pictures, letters and other mementos. Going through two big shoe boxes of old greeting cards (I saved before the advent of the digital age) trying to sort which ones to keep, I could hardly discard any of them.  I know they are just --cards, but on them were the special thoughts, expressions of love and affection from family, it's like throwing away a part of them.  

Our children kept calling, doing everything to console us;  in their own individual way they reassured us that they are always there for us and that things have a way of working themselves out; still I had a feeling that things will get worst before they get better. 

As I read some notes on one and more cards, my eyes were wet.  When my son called asking how we were getting along with the packing, I couldn't speak for a while. I cried when I told him that I can't let go of any of them.  Afterwards, my younger daughter said:

"Mom, there are just two shoe boxes, how much space do you need to store them?  I'd say, save both". 

Then the movers came hauling the furniture out of the house; life like I used to know is slowly being dismantled all around me. When the truck was loaded to full capacity, I closed my eyes, I didn't know if I would ever stay in this house again.  I'm thinking that a part of our lives is over.  Emotions hit me; disbelief and sadness threatened to consume me as I struggled to breathe and made sense of the unfathomable. 

But I didn't have much time to dwell on it when my sensible self told me to do this quick since I was in the middle of a chaos that used to be our house.

I'm not good at leaving or saying goodbye, I'm always teary-eyed doing this to a person, a job, a place or to things I've grown to love; that's why to leave our home of 38 years tears my heart apart.  

Recently, while my husband and I hang out at Starbucks;  I was still feeling sorry for myself, sad and probably moving on autopilot; I read from a magazine (I can't even remember which one),  that: 

"to be able to open up and take in new things, I have to say goodbye to something even though it's quite a struggle". 

As we now struggle to make sense of all the emotions that threaten to surface, while we gather enough courage to keep them at bay, I know that we can not afford to wallow in self pity for now (since that will only mar our effort to think straight) if we want to put back our lives to a semblance of normal again. To console myself and to keep me afloat, I have to believe that 

“When God closes a door, he opens a window, but it's up to you to find it.”

― Jeannette Walls

I'll keep my fingers crossed in the hope that something good is just around the corner waiting for us. 

Since I'm not good at goodbyes, I'll just say to our home: "I'll see you again".

And to our new home, (at least for now), Let me borrow the words of Robert Browning:

"grow old along with us, the best is yet to be".

Learning To Forgive

This topic did not just come out of the blue.  I am reading Dr Phil, my idol's book, entitled:

Life Strategies

(Doing what works;  doing what matters)

One of the life laws he discussed that struck me is "the power of forgiveness"

Are you the type to "forgive and forget" easily; or are you one who holds grudges and remain angry until you are vindicated?   If you are the former, I believe you are blessed with a better frame of mind and most likely in much better health.  

Why?

I don't exactly remember how I got this idea, I think I read it somewhere that with just a single negative thought that travels from the brain to any part of the body, lodges on an organ creates havoc and causes illness.

I surmise that Dr Phil validates the idea when he wrote: 

"For every thought or feeling, there is a physiological reaction.

When you harbor hatred, anger and resentment, your body's chemical balance is dramatically disrupted.  It means that these emotions are absolutely incompatible with your peace, joy and relaxation."

Furthermore, he explains that when the body is physiologically imbalance, it may cause sleep disturbance, nightmares or fatigue thus developing tension headaches, migraine, ulcers and sometimes to a great consequence cause heart attack.  

"But this person hurt me, I can't just let him do that to me.", you say; I'd say, "let it go".  Why give this person the power to make you feel bad?    Why give him that pleasure?  Besides, isn't it often said that we can't control other people's actions, but we can control our reaction?  In fact, we can choose our reaction. 

I'm sure that all of us got hurt one or more times, at different degrees, and for some, maybe a lot more times, no one is spared, and surely not me.  

As I recall, I also got hurt so bad in more ways than one that I can't even write it here. Human that I am, I felt hurt, offended and angry, I felt like I wanted to hurt back.  But I learned that forgiveness is the solution to these negative feelings. 

Of course, it's not very easy to forgive especially in the face of very strong emotions like hurt, anger and retaliation.  Eileen Barker, a lawyer-mediator, in one of her blogs wrote that "forgiveness seems to be the last thing you would consider when you are upset". 

But she says in so many words that forgiveness is for your own benefit; the other person need not know that you have forgiven.  It also doesn't mean that you condone the bad behavior and forget what happened, but forgiveness helps release difficult emotions including blame, anger and grief without denying or minimizing your feelings. 

So, how long are you going to nurture your anger?, Barker asks.  How much suffering is enough? Who is your anger hurting?  

For everyone out there, if you are still harboring anger and still want vindication, I say that it is best to forgive and set yourself free and have emotional closure.

According to Dr Phil, if you don't do that, you will live in anger and frustration, not only will you continue to pay the price for the rest of your life but your spouse and children as well because you will be unconsciously angry at everyone and everything. 

I agree with Eileen Barker when she said that 

"the best revenge is a happy life". 

 And she quoted Oscar Wilde who said:

"Always forgive your enemies.  Nothing infuriates them so".

Meeting An Old Friend After A Long Time Feels Like Nothing Has Changed.

Len is a very interesting friend on Facebook.  In fact, we had more interaction here than we ever did personally way back when we were graders; at least that's what I remember, unless she'll say otherwise.   

I've wondered earlier whether we would be awkward since we haven't seen each other in over 40 years; besides I really didn't know her that well, especially as an adult.  Actually my contemporary and childhood best friend is her older sister, Eve.  Our families were very close though, my Dad and hers were best friends that's why I wanted very much to reconnect with them. 

Their home is one of the most wholesome and interesting places I'd known while I was growing up.  There are six sisters and two brothers and their Mom was a very charming lady who stayed at home and sews a lot.  So, these girls always wore pretty dresses, though my dresses were bought at Cinderella, I still envied them. 

Every so often, before or after school, I'd go to their place, often with the gang.  Her parents are very generous, they'll let everyone climb their guava trees and get all the yummy fruits we can pick and carry.   We would come down from the trees with our pockets bulging and often overflowing with guavas.  Under the trees were swings that we also enjoyed. 

Their dad was a lawyer who worked as a consul and eventually was assigned in New York.  Eventually,  he moved the whole family over there for good; and I haven't seen them since.  The girls worked there after college and settled in the US permanently. 

"We will be coming home for a visit sometime soon", Len mentioned on Facebook.

"That's great news, come meet me so we can catch up", I replied. 

"Yes, I'll surely come looking for you", she post back. 

Finally last week, she confirmed the date for us to meet up.  

"I hope you'll consider coming over for breakfast, brunch or lunch here at home", I post.  "It would be great to get to know your husband as well".  Unfortunately, he had some real estate matters to attend to.

"I'd love to have lunch with you if I may?, she replied. "Is there anything you want from here?, she asked.

"Thanks for asking, but I'm good. No need to bring anything, I just want to see you", I replied.  

But she still brought some stuffs for me.  You  have to know the "culture" of my town mates, and most Filipinos in general; bringing something for friends back home is a tradition.  In fact, they say that Filipinos even have a term for that, "pasalubong", which doesn't have a one-word translation in English, it means  "something to bring home as a gift"  for those you are going to visit. 

We got her from her cousin's and brought her to our home, we took pictures, she said she will show them to her sisters. 

I could have easily cooked our lunch, in fact, I have all the ingredients ready but since the temperature is 40 degrees, it's too hot to cook and she may be uncomfortable as well since only our bedrooms are air conditioned. 

Here we are at Le Petite Cherie, having lunch.

It took us quite awhile to finish lunch, there's just too much to talk about, remembering friends and town mates, where they are now and who married who, while my husband patiently listened and tried to be part of the conversation. 

The encounter seemed too short, she has a month left of her vacation but it has been planned out well.  They would be island hopping in the south of the archipelago with friends to enjoy nature and the beaches. So we agreed to meet again next year when she'll come back here with her sisters. 

Thanks for the visit Len, enjoy the rest of your vacation and see you again soon. 

The Epitome Of Beauty

"If eyes were made for seeing, then beauty is its own excuse for being." ----Ralph Waldo Emerson. 

You may wonder why I now focus on such a big subject as "beauty", a "big deal" to many and a "huge deal" to a few.  

I guess this was inspired by two things; the latest love song,

"crazy beautiful" of David Pomeranz, and a local movie,

"crazy beautiful you" that was showing at the mall recently. 

"beauty is in the eyes of the beholder"

I've often wondered who said this quote first. 

So I googled and I initially got this funny answer:

"Maybe the one who said that has an ugly partner", 

and I couldn't stop laughing.  

Shakespeare likewise was mentioned believing in the saying, having quoted the same thing in so many words.  Then I happened along this phrase finder link and got my answer.  Click the link to find out. 

http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/beauty-is-in-the-eye-of-the-beholder.html

So, what about you, do you believe that 

"beauty is in the eyes of the beholder"?  

I myself believe it's true; someone even said that:

"Beauty is not real, it only exist in perception".

Proof?  Look around and see couples whose partners are the unlikely choices if we go by the common standard; that is, their physical appearance should compliment or match each other well; tall people should get partners approximately their size; a handsome guy looking like he came out of a GQ magazine page get as partner a Victoria Secret Angel; or someone as good looking as he is. 

But what do we see?  

In our village alone, I often see this very tall and lanky guy who jogs with this average-height woman whose head doesn't even reach his chest.  Then there's this very handsome, really attractive guy who is head-over-heels with a double-plus-size woman; not that I don't believe this big lady deserves this gorgeous guy as her partner.  What I'm just trying to say is that there must be other elements in the attraction that is beyond the physical.  

Of course!  Why do CEOs seem to get all the attention from the ladies?  Is it his money?  But then, why do very rich girls probably far richer than them are attracted as well; they even go to certain extents to outdo other ladies for their attention.  Is it the power that they represent or the confidence that they exude?

Then again some CEOs are neither young nor handsome, some are old, short and bald with bulging beer-bellies yet attractive nonetheless;  so what is it?  Could it be their charisma for one, wisdom and maturity another, or that and self-assurance all rolled into one?  After all, isn't it true that "we create what we project", no matter how we look, how much money we have or power we weild.

Then there's the beauty standard of the entertainment industry and the fashion world; a criteria that seem impossible to achieve for ordinary people like the majority; unless one practically stops eating to keep a Barbie-doll figure.  Do we really need to starve to look beautiful?  Many of us put ourselves down if we don't look like them and it makes us insecure and unhappy.  Do we need a flat belly or a perk nose to look and feel beautiful and happy?

Very often, we idolize celebrities or models who graze magazine covers.  But do we even understand how much air-brushing they go through just to have a flawless skin?  Do we know of the crazy diets they follow to a point of hunger so they can remain in the trend?  Do we count how many times they go under the knife?  And what about the fact that some have to deal with a relentless personal trainer who drive them to a point of drop-dead exhaustion?  Just think, can we, "ordinary" individuals cope with all that just to meet this crazy norm?  Who even says what's beautiful? 

While I was writing this, by coincidence my husband mentioned about the new regulation in France on hiring models for the fashion industry.  He didn't know that I was writing this blog.  At the same time, there was this fashion show on TV and he said: 

"Look, the model is not so thin", and I saw what he was talking about. So I googled the topic and learned that just recently the French government has intervened in this criteria, so much so that they put a minimum weight for models relative to their height. Then some countries in Europe adopted the policy as well. Click the link below to know more about it.  

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/04/03/france-models-body-mass-index_n_6999244.html

The majority of us are often misled what is truly beautiful; thinking that a perfect figure with finely sculptured face is the "look" that we covet to posses.   I myself has not been immune to that belief earlier; having also spent thousands for all the hot or cold "wraps", to lose "inches" all over; I patiently spent time endlessly connected to machines that does its work for the same purpose.  I also tried almost every diet that experts claim to be the most effective.

But then, when I turned 60, my consideration changed. To maintain a diet and regular exercise is no longer about vanity but on a higher plane; ultimately it is all for health and well-being.  Nowadays, I'm done with punishing routines to remove excess, and turned to exercise that could easily weave into my daily life; something that doesn't take much will-power but something really enjoyable.  I like the feeling right after an hour walk, it is truly rewarding.  Regards my diet, I can still eat what I like but common sense now dictates what I put in my mouth. 

Regardless our age, most of us are still trying to come to terms with beauty standards, we still compare ourselves to the "ideal" projected in media because comparison is the only standard we know.  But then, John Kenneth Galbraith says:

"There is no absolute standard of Beauty, that precisely is why its pursuit is so interesting"

Why can't we see the beauty in a big girl with a flawless skin; someone with an angelic face as well as a beguiling smile?  Or a wise "old man" with his maturity and wisdom regardless of his white hair and wrinkled face?  Why can't we  recognize an ordinary looking girl with a smooth and glossy hair and perfectly-white-as-pearls teeth?  Why can't we look into the eyes of a friend and appreciate her sincerity and loyalty? 

My doctor, an Iridologist doesn't want me to lose weight. 

"You will look old and haggard", he says.  Whenever he looks into my eye through his high-powered lense, he says that my organs are healthy and doing fine.  My chiropractor on the other hand says he will pay 10 million dollars to have my almost perfect spinal column.  True or not, it's really the way I want to look at it; I learned that acceptance of what is there is the secret to be happy. 

So, why don't we ditch the so-called standard and have some fun; accept what's been given and look for our place in this ever-shifting realms of style and beauty. 

What do you say?

My MOMGO (mung bean) Recipe

The mung bean, commonly called mongo in Asia is from the legume family.  It is rich in fiber, protein and potassium and some vitamins. This is how it looks like when the seeds are taken off from the pod. 

I thought I'd cook sautéed mongo this Holy Week.  It is a cheap viand and commonly paired with "daing na bangus", (boneless milkfish dredged in vinegar, salt, crushed garlic and ground pepper), then fried.

One Monday morning, I was out of fresh veggies to cook for lunch, so I went to a veggie vendor at the corner looking for fresh leaves to add, malungay leaves or ampalaya (bitter gord leaves) is usually added. 

"What will you cook for lunch?", 

my nosy neighbor who happened along asked.  BTW, it is common for neighbors to ask what you'll be cooking, very personal, yes, but that's how it is, it's not unusual.  

"Oh, I run out of fresh veggies, so I thought I'd cook "ginisang mongo"(sautéed mongo)". I replied.

"Why are you out of schedule?  Isn't sautéed mongo served on Fridays together with fried milk fish?", she asked again. 

I just smiled, I didn't want to insult her by saying that I don't care about the schedule, I just wanted to cook mongo that day and who cares? 

But my neighbor is just being logical.   Yes, it true that Filipinos usually cook that on Fridays; I just don't know how the tradition started, but maybe because Filipinos abstain from meats on the Fridays of Lent, that's why this is a good meal for those days. 

My version of mongo recipe has a lot of veggies. 

Step 1-wash the mongo grains and soak in water overnight.

Step 2-boil in enough water, together with a  pandan leaf and crushed ginger until the grains burst open.   Crush the popped grains by pressing ladle along the sides of the cooking casserole to get a thick mixture. 

Step 3-sautee garlic, chopped onions, tomatoes.

Step4-add in the bell pepper, sliced zucchini (dredge in salt, then washed to remove the bitter juice, wash three times) 

Step 5-add chopped fresh oregano leaves, fresh tarragon and native jalapeño.

Step6-add the zucchini tops and young leaves and florets.  

Step7-put in two tablespoon of shrimp paste. Put in one tablespoon of Chinese cooking wine. 

Step 8-mix until the veggies wilt and add boiled mongo. 

Step 9-mix well, add fish sauce to your taste.

Step 10-sprinkle chopped cilantro and spring onions and serve.  Try it sometime. 

My Granddaughter Turned Ten

On the first day of summer vacation, my granddaughter called her Abolita, her paternal grandma.  

"Lita", she said on the phone, since she couldn't pronounce Abolita in full when she was younger, so grandma remained as "Lita".  

"It's my birthday on Monday, Yana (her cousin, the same age as she), and I want lunch at the Town, then let's shop for my gift".  she said.  Can Abolita refuse?

The next day, we also brought her to lunch.

"Do you like to go to Buona Vita, so you can eat your favorite pasta, ala vongole?", I asked and she was quiet on the other end. 

"How about Le Petite Cherrie, the French restaurant?"

"I love Le Petite, haven't been there for quite awhile and I like to eat the chicken.  But .... wait, it has mash potatoes, can't eat that since that's my Lenten sacrifice", she said. 

"Then have then change that to fries or veggies", I said. 

We ended up at Chili's.  

"What gift do you want, money?", my husband asked while we were having lunch. 

"No, Papa. I like to shop at Peppermint".  That's a brand of girls' apparel.  I gathered she did not like money this time since that will go to her bank.  Her gift from her uncle had that fate.

"Can I get one item here and one accessory at Claire's?",  she asked.  

"Ok", I said.  She got two shorts, and even though I asked her to get a top as well, she refused, "I already have lots of tops Nana".  

"Do you want one more shorts?"

"Try and feel this Nana", she said as she crumpled one, "it's rough, but these two are soft and smooth", pointing to the two she selected.  

Times have really changed.   When I was her age, we my mama bought me dresses at Cinderella herself; I didn't get to choose. 

Two shops from Peppermint, the salesgirl at Claire's greeted her:

"Weren't you here yesterday?"

"Yes", I replied for her.  "She was with her other grandma". 

It took her quite sometime to choose.  She got another costume bracelet almost similar to what she got yesterday. 

When her parents asked what she wanted to do on her birthday, she said she wants to stay overnight in a hotel.   They often bring her traveling, she loves hotel life.  When she turned 8, she celebrated her birthday in Paris.  This was taken on her 8th birthday. 

 This time, her parents took a day's leave from work and they spent the eve of her birthday at the Peninsula hotel.  Here she is having dessert after dinner. 

After lunch the next day, her birthday, they invited her two cousins and her two sets of grandparents for snacks at Stackers.  Here she is blowing the candle on her birthday cake.  

She was sitting beside me, while her mom was ready to take a shot, I saw her hesitate blowing the candle,  instead she closed her eyes about a second or two, and I thought, maybe she made a wish.  Here's more pictures with her parents and also with us.

With Dada and Mama

With Abolita and Lolo

With Nana and Papa

After snacks..

"Mom, can we go to Claire's for awhile, then can we get two cupcakes at Vanilla Cupcakery to bring home?"  Today, her parents are indulgent. 

Happy birthday again, granddaughter!  I'm sure you had a great birthday.