Learning To Forgive

This topic did not just come out of the blue.  I am reading Dr Phil, my idol's book, entitled:

Life Strategies

(Doing what works;  doing what matters)

One of the life laws he discussed that struck me is "the power of forgiveness"

Are you the type to "forgive and forget" easily; or are you one who holds grudges and remain angry until you are vindicated?   If you are the former, I believe you are blessed with a better frame of mind and most likely in much better health.  

Why?

I don't exactly remember how I got this idea, I think I read it somewhere that with just a single negative thought that travels from the brain to any part of the body, lodges on an organ creates havoc and causes illness.

I surmise that Dr Phil validates the idea when he wrote: 

"For every thought or feeling, there is a physiological reaction.

When you harbor hatred, anger and resentment, your body's chemical balance is dramatically disrupted.  It means that these emotions are absolutely incompatible with your peace, joy and relaxation."

Furthermore, he explains that when the body is physiologically imbalance, it may cause sleep disturbance, nightmares or fatigue thus developing tension headaches, migraine, ulcers and sometimes to a great consequence cause heart attack.  

"But this person hurt me, I can't just let him do that to me.", you say; I'd say, "let it go".  Why give this person the power to make you feel bad?    Why give him that pleasure?  Besides, isn't it often said that we can't control other people's actions, but we can control our reaction?  In fact, we can choose our reaction. 

I'm sure that all of us got hurt one or more times, at different degrees, and for some, maybe a lot more times, no one is spared, and surely not me.  

As I recall, I also got hurt so bad in more ways than one that I can't even write it here. Human that I am, I felt hurt, offended and angry, I felt like I wanted to hurt back.  But I learned that forgiveness is the solution to these negative feelings. 

Of course, it's not very easy to forgive especially in the face of very strong emotions like hurt, anger and retaliation.  Eileen Barker, a lawyer-mediator, in one of her blogs wrote that "forgiveness seems to be the last thing you would consider when you are upset". 

But she says in so many words that forgiveness is for your own benefit; the other person need not know that you have forgiven.  It also doesn't mean that you condone the bad behavior and forget what happened, but forgiveness helps release difficult emotions including blame, anger and grief without denying or minimizing your feelings. 

So, how long are you going to nurture your anger?, Barker asks.  How much suffering is enough? Who is your anger hurting?  

For everyone out there, if you are still harboring anger and still want vindication, I say that it is best to forgive and set yourself free and have emotional closure.

According to Dr Phil, if you don't do that, you will live in anger and frustration, not only will you continue to pay the price for the rest of your life but your spouse and children as well because you will be unconsciously angry at everyone and everything. 

I agree with Eileen Barker when she said that 

"the best revenge is a happy life". 

 And she quoted Oscar Wilde who said:

"Always forgive your enemies.  Nothing infuriates them so".