Are You Living Your Authentic Self?

I could have easily ignored this book from the pile if I didn't get a glimpse of the author, my idol, Dr. Phil McGraw.  I knew right away that it is worth reading it, "Self Matters"

He says that it is very important to live our true selves, otherwise it would be toxic to our own lives and unfair to our love ones as well.  Living our true selves make us better persons, better spouses and better parents.  

How to know if we are truly living the best of who we are?

Dr. Phil says:

"think to the time of your life when you have been your absolute happiest; 

the most fulfilled and especially the most real you have ever been, 

when your life flowed with energy and excitement; 

feeling a quiet calm, be it at work but it seemed like play; 

feeling like you're exactly where you should be, 

doing what you were meant to do;

You were having fun and didn't care what others thought;

No room for fear or anxiety or self-doubt

Every part of your life is in harmony with the others, 

Fully living in the moment with a sense of optimism, 

An expectation that tomorrow is going to be just as interesting and gratifying  as today;

Most importantly, you accepted yourself for who and what you are. "

Wow! That's a lot, right?  Does it sound too perfect for you?  And you want to know if that is even possible?  Sounds like heaven to me. 

But who are we to question an expert, such as Dr. Phil, who counsels such big and famous personalities; besides, who are we to argue when most of the examples he wrote were from his own personal experiences from childhood to where he is today to drive his point?  In fact, his examples are factual; Ophra Winfrey even shared one of her defining moments when she was in 3rd grade. 

When I started reading this, my first thought was to examine myself; I guess that was the point buying this book in the first place.  All my life, and especially now that I am no longer employed and practically own my time, I'm in constant quest for ideas to improve my quality of life. I don't mean fame and fortune; far from it, all I want is to be healthy, happy and fulfilled. 

Further into the book, I learned that upon birth, we have a clean slate of self concept.  Our life experiences, most especially what we clearly remember and what we believe important, impact our self concept, good or bad depending on how we thought about them.  

"our self-concept were determined by only ten defining moments, seven critical choices and five pivotal people have provided positive input to our self-concept; while other defining moments, critical choices, and pivotal people have poisoned authenticity and distorted how we see ourselves", wrote Dr. Phil. 

As I look back,  I am faced with a lot of "what if's" regards the choices and decisions I made.  I know that they are now "water under the bridge";  but it doesn't mean that I can't do anything about some of them anymore, right? 

Now I recall while I was in my fourth year high school,  an aunt-in-law, a chemist, who worked abroad and apparently very successful visited us, Then and there, I decided I wanted to be like her. Later on however, while  pursuing chemistry, I had a lot of frustrations, I also didn't like long hours doing the laboratory experiments.  However, I must have been too proud to admit that I made a wrong choice and I didn't want to disappoint my parents.  When I got the diploma I didn't feel like laboring myself daily in a laboratory, constantly wearing a lab gown, so I didn't bother pursuing the profession. 

Eventually, I found myself an administrative position; and part of my responsibility was managing a school plant; however challenging it was, a thankless job as they say, I liked being in charge and easily embraced a management position thereafter. 

Then there's my husband, a licensed Chemical Engineer who first worked as a quality control supervisor right after college. Obviously he was not happy working in the manufacturing plant; nor he believed he can be happy doing a desk job all day.  He found soon enough that he wanted to be out there in the field so he looked for a marketing job.   

When ESSO hired him, he found his true calling.  He really like selling so much that one annual vacation, when I can't take time off from work to enjoy it with him, he sold home appliances on the side.  Let me tell you, he is really good at this, he can sell almost anything; once he even helped a friend sell his inter-island passenger vessel.

As I read further into the book, Dr. Phil wrote:

"..this is not an all or nothing proposition, there maybe something that you wish you could add to an otherwise great life...."

Now I'm beginning to understand why I even opened a convenience store and my husband easily agreed.  He knew I enjoy having a shop, so I run it even while I was employed.  He knew that it is just a "hobby" and I only make coffee money out of it.  But then again, I am fulfilling one of my passions. Now that I am retired it is also an "escape" when I feel too much confined at home.

When I was working, I thought that my life won't be interesting anymore after I retire, that I'd get bored staying at home;  but I was wrong.  Now I am as busy as ever, yet I feel good doing what I like.  In fact, I feel more "alive" today than in any other time in my life; there is that constant adrenaline flowing, I'm always interested to learn new things, so many things to discover and I feel like there are more good times ahead. 

What do you think, am I now more connected to my authentic self, and truly living who I really am?

Having said that however, there are still things I like to do; like getting a piece of land to start my herb garden, plant and sell some ornamentals; maybe buy and sell old furnitures and fixtures; organize a shop to craft articles from wood scrap and even add a snack bar into the mix. 

More than that, I'd like to write my biography, write a book and perhaps publish it, oh, my list is a long one. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to accomplish some of these before the curtain falls?

I know that I just scratched the surface of this subject but I'm sure you get the idea. So if you are not feeling like any or all of the situations I quoted at the start, then maybe you need some soul searching.  

Finally, Dr. Phil wrote:

"what matters is that you commit to finding and reconnecting to your authentic self; rewrite your personal truth  and live a life that lets you be who you are; if you don't do that, no one will".

"A racehorse has to run, a bird has to fly, an artist has to paint, a teacher has to teach. There is something in you that you have to do".  

Celebrating A Wedding Anniversary

This week is a double celebration of wedding anniversaries of my two daughters. Two days ago my older daughter and her family flew to Shangrila, Mactan to celebrate their 10th wedding anniversary. 

Before they left, they bade good bye to her in-laws who just live next door.  

"Today is the wedding anniversary of my mom and dad", my 9-year-old granddaughter whispered to her Abolita (her fraternal grandma; she calls me Nana).  

Abolita nodded.

"Well, aren't you going to greet them", she prodded.

Embarrassed, my daughter asked my granddaughter:

"Are you soliciting greetings for us?". 

The 10th wedding anniversary is truly a milestone, years spent together is proof to that;  they created sweet memories to remember and cherish as well as trials along the way.

That's the reason, the anniversary symbol is tin, says 

Anniversary-ideas-step-by-step.com:

"Tin symbolizes preservation and longevity.  At one time, food was stored in tin-plated iron cans.  The tin protected the iron from rust and corrosion, preserving the food inside, potentially forever.  A couple at the milestone anniversary of ten years has the ability to go the distance.  Therefore, the tenth anniversary should be celebrated with special honor."

Tomorrow, my younger daughter will celebrate her wedding anniversary, her first.  I'd say that this is a milestone as well for a lot of adjustment and compromise take place on the first year.  It is when reality sets in; when they were dating, the atmosphere is obviously different. 

What does anniversary-ideas-step-by-step.com say about the first year?  

"The first year of marriage is like a clean sheet of paper, a new beginning upon which to write your passage through the years together.  Also like paper, it is fragile and can easily rip, not having tried the fires of adversity and the storms of life yet". 

"We all have a childhood belief that with love, everything goes like silk, yet the reality is marriage requires a lot of compromise." ---Raquel Welch

My husband and I are really blessed that our son and daughters are finally settled with spouses they truly love. We visit their homes often and we like what we see;   I know that they also have their low moments, but who doesn't.?  

Somebody wrote that we perceive our friends' marriage is better than ours because whenever we ask, they always say "we're good", but they won't tell us how they put up with each other when they're alone.  Well, except maybe your best friend who confides in you, who most likely is still on denial. 

"I always thought that marriage was about finding the perfect match.  Now I realize it's about trying to match the different pieces together perfectly."  ---Courteney Cox

To married people out there, whether happy or not, it maybe good to heed the wisdom of the late Joan Rivers, in an open letter to her daughter Melissa on her wedding day, as published in the November 1998 issue of McCalls magazine; here's an excerpt:

".....learn to compromise, be what the Japanese call the wise bamboo; in other words, learn to bend so you don't break.  Be flexible, and pick your battles carefully ---you'll lose nothing if you let your spouse have his way once in a while.  What gains, however, is your marriage".

Our Village Fiesta

Today is our village fiesta, in honor of The Blessed Virgin Mary, Our Lady Of The Pillar. This special day is always celebrated on the second Sunday of October.  It is also the 34th anniversary of my younger daughter's baptism. 

We usually baptize our babies within two months of birth, but then, the contractors whom my husband was talking to for a long time suddenly became free to start our home renovation.  They showed up without warning one Monday morning, so we took advantage of the opportunity.  We badly needed the house extension as we already had three children and our original house had only two bedrooms.

To make a long story short, the renovation took longer as is usually the case in most constructions.  When we pushed back the baptism of our daughter to October, after the cleaning and polishing inside and outside our home; we were oblivious that it would coincide with the fiesta.  By tradition some Filipinos would schedule such occasions to coincide with the fiesta or even Christmas since they would be giving a party anyway, "para minsanan" (one time preparation), they would say; but that is not us; we want such special occasion to be a separate and distinct affair.  

Back to the village fiesta. 

In the late 70's, when we bought our house in this village, most residents were basically our contemporaries; everyone then were eager to connect with neighbors as we were all strangers in this place. I recall street meetings in our home as my husband had been a long time Chairman.  Our Christmas parties were celebrated by the entire street. 

A week before the occasion, a carnival opens in the plaza, the villagers would go there to join in the fun; they would ride the ferries wheel while children enjoy the mini rides.  The fiesta used to be a two-day celebration; on the first night, there was amateur singing contest and residents participated. 

The second day was focused on church activities since it is the feast day of our Lady of the Pillar; mass baptisms and mass confirmations were administered by the visiting bishop. 

Parade bands would go around the village, people would linger in the streets; residents usually invite friends and relatives to their homes and the celebration would last the whole day until late at night when they watch a variety show. The residents pulled strings to invite as many show biz personalities and celebrities to sing or just for personal appearance. 

 

Nowadays however, this is no longer true. I guess, we are not so excited anymore, for one thing most of our children are adults who now have their own lives somewhere in the city or even abroad. 

This morning, as my husband and I attended the 10:30 mass as we do every Sunday, we were surprised that the church, including the wings were over-flowing.  We were a little late but the usherettes know us so they sat us on the 4th row together with the church committee and members of church organizations.  

It was a concelebrated high mass, with two bishops and at least 10 priests in attendance.  The main celebrant who is a visiting bishop gave the homily; he said that the blessed Virgin Mary made this apparition in Zaragoza, Spain, while still on earth, she was then living in Jerusalem.  To know more about this celebration/ apparition, click this link:

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Our_Lady_of_the_Pillar

Today, I am happy that our village fiesta is confined in church activities, nothing pompous or commercial about it as most celebrations are nowadays. 

I Fancy Starfish

This Christmas season, I'm planning to use sea life theme for my home decoration in the living room. 

This idea came up when I asked my older daughter to get me two pieces of starfish since her family went for vacation in Shangrila, Boracay.  I have a fancy for starfish that I even bought a pair of starfish earrings, with 106 diamond bits. 

This week, I started my research for sea life design ideas. I already have some pieces to put together, and I wanted to see how I can display them to best advantage. 

I thought I'd work around the shades of blue to pick up the color of the sea and sky, with touches of white for clouds and silver to mimic the color of sand.  I think the silver would add to the festive look  in keeping with the season; something tinsel.  

I went window shopping this week and finally, yesterday to my delight, I got the throw pillows and I was happy because I got the colors and prints I wanted at reasonable prices. 

Today, I asked my maid to take off the lacy beige curtains, and in its place I intend to drape the 30 yards of while lace material as window treatment.  I invited my granddaughter's nanny who has this artsy flair to help me execute my idea in putting up the drapes. 

I also asked my maid to vacuum the windows and carpet so I could start my project. I started putting the new throw pillows in place:

This bushida tree came from my husband's front garden. I guess it hit a stone underneath the earth, so it never grew, it's almost like a bonsai.  One day, we just found that its leaves dried up.  My husband uprooted it and sprayed metallic gold to prevent decay.  I intend to make it my Christmas tree,  I'll hang miniature starfish shells,  I'm just waiting for my older daughter to get them for me when her family will go on vacation to Shangrila, Mactan soon. 

I gathered my sea life materials to arrange them in place.

Finally I went to the blue room where I displayed some of these items.  I discovered that my two precious starfish shells are gone, nada!  

I moved everything, checked every nook and corner, turned over drawers but nothing!  My most important decor, the "star" of my show is gone!

Oh, where can they be?  Sigh....

Filipino Food Presented In Style

Who says Filipino food can't compare with international cuisine because they can't be presented in an attractively appetizing manner?  Yesterday, at Crisostomo, a restaurant famous for Filipino food gave me a surprise! 

My daughter-in-law is in town to attend a class reunion, and we had to meet her for I was tasked by my younger daughter to send through her  the final cut of her Shangrila Mactan wedding video.  Whenever my daughter-in-law and my son are in town, they usually come over for dinner or even brunch I prepare at home. 

But this time, she called:

"Mommy, can we just meet at town center for tea?  I have to visit my grandma in Batangas early in the morning and my reunion is in the evening."  She also told me that she didn't anticipate getting home almost midnight the night before.

"There were long lines at the terminal 3 immigration check in, it took me an hour, then, I had a long wait for my luggage to come out from the carousel". 

I thought we would meet for high tea at Le Petit Cherie, a French restaurant at Molito, but my son thought she may just want local snacks like:

 bibingka (rice cake lined with banana leaf underneath; cooked at the bottom and on top). 

Puto  bongbong (a violet-colored rice cake steamed in a bamboo tube, served with sugared freshly grated coconut shavings).

While I realized later that Le Petit Cherie may have an assortment of these local delicacies as well as their usual spread of French pastries, my husband suggested Crisostomo.  In the end, it was an excellent choice for my daughter-in-law had to buy some stuff from Rustan's, evident of the big bag of items from where else but Rustan's that she was carrying along. 

I was surprised how Crisostomo presented my daughter's-in-law order. The lowly street snacks, Turon (plantain, dredged in brown sugar with fresh jackfruit, rolled in rice wrapper and deep fried). This came with a dip, fondue-style, looked like salted caramel, but of rich coco jam. I would say that foreign visitors would delight seeing this, and enjoy eating it as well. 

The churros that my son-in-law ordered was pretty much served in the same way. Sorry, I didn't take a picture, but it looks just as interesting. 

I couldn't resist their halo halo, (assortment of sweetened plaintain, tapioca, yam jam, creme brûlée, gelatin, etc., served with shaved ice, soaked in milk and topped with ice cream). There is even a choice of ice cream: ube(violet yam), cheese or vanilla. I chose cheese. 

While we were enjoying a happy hour catching up;  I told my daughter-in-law not to hesitate to say when it's time for her to go. She said, she still had to get some stuff for my son waiting back home with their 6-month-old son. She will fly home today to catch up with their weekly family outing she doesn't want to miss.  

Back To My Chiropractor After Seven Months

After seven months, I felt I had to see my chiropractor again. 

"How are you, Rita?",  Dr. Storm greeted me cheerfully as I entered his office. 

"I'm good, except I feel like electric current is running through my arm, from my elbow to my shoulder and I feel some kind of discomfort on my left mid-upper back", I respond. 

"And what else", he further asked.

"The second big toe on my left foot is quite tender, it is a bit painful when I walk or I stand on my toes."  

"Ok, let's check, 'da-pa' ",   (lie on your stomach), he said indicating his examination table. 

He went through the routine of checking that I'm already familiar with, like putting my feet together, checking whether they are of the same length, any discrepancy between the two indicates that something is not right.  After the initial check, he was a bit surprised that my condition was not as good as it was after the adjustments he made seven months ago. 

"You have a neck injury, what happened?", he asked. 

So I started telling him about that day when my granddaughter and I were excitedly walking fast to check on something at the mall.  My left foot sort of tilted to the side that I stumbled.   It must have been a hard fall since I couldn't get up right away; two kind hands who happened along offered to help me up.

Then there was pain on my left foot as well as my left arm and  shoulder.  I thought the pain was just a result of the impact and would go away over time, but I was wrong. And so, I told Dr. Storm:

"I fell and it must have put pressure on my left side".

"When did this happen?"

"About three months ago. My family doctor said that the muscles were strained and may have swelled, hence the pain, so I thought that in time, it will get better." 

 Initially Dr. Storm applied pressure on my back making that familiar "cracking" sound, as a result of air being displaced as the bones move. He was surprised that my hips pretty much reverted to the same condition he observed the last time before he made adjustments. 

"Ti-ha-ya", he said, meaning lie on my back, he checked my feet again to see if they are of the same length. 

"Turn to your left" he said.  Feet together, with folded knees while my upper body is slightly flat on my back, my arms folded across my chest;  he pushed my hip towards the opposite side. The pressure caused a popping sound. He did the same on the other side, and my hips is adjusted. 

"You also have a slight knee injury", he added, as he went through the process of correcting it using his activator adjusting instrument. 

"What's that for"?, I asked.  

"It's an adjuster", he replied showing me how it works. It looks like a big syringe attached to a spring which is controlled by an adjustable ring to regulate the desired pressure. The nozzle can be directed to a specified area, and pressure is applied upon pushing the T-handle as in administering an injection. 

"Instead of using my fingers to work on your toe bones, I use this, it makes my work a bit easier.", he explained. 

"You have a neck injury as well,  I may have to see you for another one or two sessions more", he said.  He adjusted my neck, turning it to the right thus causing a significant cracking sound.  A minor sound was heard as he turned my neck on the other side.  I felt that my back ache was relieved. 

I went back for another adjustment after two days, this time I felt better, minus the tingling or the "electrical current" going on my left arm. I still feel some discomfort on my mid-upper back and my toe was still tender. 

Back to his examination table, he did the routine check up, then subsequently adjusted my back, applying three significant pressures starting above the hips progressing towards my mid, then upper back. I felt the pressure and when I heard those familiar sounds again, I'm relieved that adjustment was made. 

Finally, he worked on my neck, this time, it was a bit painful, producing a tighter cracking sound as he turned it to the left, then the right with the appropriate pressure. Before I realized it, the pain was gone. 

"How often should a person see a chiropractor?  Do we go only when there is pain?",  I asked. 

Dr. Storm did not answer my question directly but he told me: 

"I have been on chiropractic care for 42 years now".  He further explained that even children as early as 5, maybe put under chiropractic care as well.

I read that we may have a misaligned spinal column or vertebrae subluxation, without feeling any pain or discomfort. Therefore it is wise to go for an evaluation whether there is pain or not.

Now, I'm thinking that my husband and I should include a chiropractic evaluation to our annual medical check up so that immediate adjustment can be done when necessary.  I believe that it is worth the trouble and the expense.  More and more people are being educated on chiropractic care, so much so that nowadays, there are initiatives to include chiropractic care in HMO plans in most countries, including ours where Senate hearings are going on presently to implement this through a law.  

Check this out to know more about the importance of a well-aligned spinal column.

http://alignedbalance.com/benefits.html

 I learned from the book,"YOU: Staying Young" 

by Dr. Michael F. Roisen and Dr. Mehmet C. Oz claim that:  

"There are huge delays between the cause of a problem and the effects you actually see in your life.  That means you have to start building defenses in your thirties, forties, and fifties against attacks that may not occur until your sixties, seventies, and eighties."  

Following the same logic, I believe that it is never too late, even for seniors like us,  (we are almost 70) to be aware of such conditions to be able to prevent any future pain and/or discomfort, not to mention the effect on our health and well being. 

Bonding With Family

"Hi, Mom!", my older daughter greeted me on the phone as she usually does every morning. 

"can you accompany me to Dr. Rick?" ,

that's our family doctor, an iridologist.  She wanted a second opinion on earlier results from her OBGyn.  

"Of course", I replied.  

We made an earlier date for last Friday when she also took a leave from work but due to heavy rains, we opted to stay home. 

Didn't I say earlier that when I have a chance to be with family,  I drop everything and if I know about it ahead of time,  I rearrange my schedule so I can be free?  Well, not everybody can do that,  but I can because I don't work for anyone.  My children do the same, they take a leave whenever possible if we are visiting. 

Reviewing my former blogs, I found that it is becoming some kind of a diary, mostly documenting the events in my life.  I know that they maybe insignificant or of no interest to others, but to me that's all that really matters.  I always want to spend time with family so I take every opportunity possible.  

When we visited my 5-month-old grandson late last month, we extended our usual visit to another 5 days so we can spend more time with him.  I almost didn't want to sleep; I just wanted to hold him, watch him sleep, or catch a happy moment by taking pictures.  Being with him was reward enough but when he moves his hands or kicks his feet and gives a lop-sided smile, ohh, boy,  what joy that brings!  My husband and I almost didn't go out during the day as we usually do; except the times when our son or daughter asked us to lunch. I practically gave up my noonday nap as well. 

Of course we couldn't pass up being with our son or our daughter whenever we have the chance, especially because we live thousands of miles apart.  These are opportunities when they update us on what's going on with their lives, including their future plans. These are rare occasions that we treasure the most.  I believe, they feel the same way too, since every time we go home and thank them for their time spent with us and how we enjoyed being with them, my son would always reply: 

"I enjoyed our lunches as well, come visit us again soon". 

Maybe that's how parents and grandparents feel towards their children and grandchildren; they always feel that their time is running out.  I recall when my mama was widowed, she practically left our ancestral home and made the rounds of staying with one married child after another.  We are five siblings, all married, and she had about 10 grandchildren around that time.

I remember, she just kept reading or spending time with grandchildren, playing card games with them;  her favorite is gin rummy.  I can't help but smile when I recall my son, nine at the time; in tears everytime he lost a round. I'm not sure whether he cried for losing a few centavos from his allowance or just because he was not a sport enough to accept it.  Soon even my mama would cry, as well as his nanny who was always around watching them; but the game goes on.

After she passed away, I saw my mama's small planner and found that she divided her time among our families, she even had the dates listed with whose family she spent on specific days. 

Back to my day with my older daughter. 

Of course my husband drove us to the doctor's office, though we can drive ourselves; I think, he also wanted to be with us. I knew that he must also miss this daughter even though we see her weekly; every time we bring home our granddaughter after her day's visit with us; but these are brief encounters; nothing like sitting down to lunch. 

"No pictures, Mom, especially on facebook", my daughter reminded me prior to lunch.   "Remember, I'm on sick leave, I don't want to be seen having lunch out".  

"Oh, but you went to the doctor, isn't that reason enough?", my husband put in.  Anyway, we respected her request, so no pictures, even on this blog. 

We went to one of our favored Italian restaurants,  Bouna Vita.  This is my granddaughter's favorite restaurant, she never gets tired of their pasta ala vongole.  Though they serve authentic Italian food, the chef is versatile and whips up Spanish signature dishes as well.  

It was almost 1 pm, I felt ravenous that I couldn't help myself from eating the assortment of breads with pesto and salsa dips. When our food was served, the head waiter approached us:

"How's everthing?", he asked. 

"Good", I replied. "Actually we came here for your lengua, 

 (ox tongue)"

"I only eat lengua and roast lamb when I come here", my husband added. 

My daughter ordered callos, another authentic Spanish dish. 

During lunch, we caught up on the latest goings on in the family as well as those of our relatives. Over cafe latte, while my husband took his drink outside to have his nicotine shot, we exchanged new recipes, and some household tips we recently learned or read; we updated each other on the status of our new project: our pocket garden of herbs.

Another wonderful day, well spent; thank God for the opportunity.