I could have easily ignored this book from the pile if I didn't get a glimpse of the author, my idol, Dr. Phil McGraw. I knew right away that it is worth reading it, "Self Matters"
He says that it is very important to live our true selves, otherwise it would be toxic to our own lives and unfair to our love ones as well. Living our true selves make us better persons, better spouses and better parents.
How to know if we are truly living the best of who we are?
Dr. Phil says:
"think to the time of your life when you have been your absolute happiest;
the most fulfilled and especially the most real you have ever been,
when your life flowed with energy and excitement;
feeling a quiet calm, be it at work but it seemed like play;
feeling like you're exactly where you should be,
doing what you were meant to do;
You were having fun and didn't care what others thought;
No room for fear or anxiety or self-doubt
Every part of your life is in harmony with the others,
Fully living in the moment with a sense of optimism,
An expectation that tomorrow is going to be just as interesting and gratifying as today;
Most importantly, you accepted yourself for who and what you are. "
Wow! That's a lot, right? Does it sound too perfect for you? And you want to know if that is even possible? Sounds like heaven to me.
But who are we to question an expert, such as Dr. Phil, who counsels such big and famous personalities; besides, who are we to argue when most of the examples he wrote were from his own personal experiences from childhood to where he is today to drive his point? In fact, his examples are factual; Ophra Winfrey even shared one of her defining moments when she was in 3rd grade.
When I started reading this, my first thought was to examine myself; I guess that was the point buying this book in the first place. All my life, and especially now that I am no longer employed and practically own my time, I'm in constant quest for ideas to improve my quality of life. I don't mean fame and fortune; far from it, all I want is to be healthy, happy and fulfilled.
Further into the book, I learned that upon birth, we have a clean slate of self concept. Our life experiences, most especially what we clearly remember and what we believe important, impact our self concept, good or bad depending on how we thought about them.
"our self-concept were determined by only ten defining moments, seven critical choices and five pivotal people have provided positive input to our self-concept; while other defining moments, critical choices, and pivotal people have poisoned authenticity and distorted how we see ourselves", wrote Dr. Phil.
As I look back, I am faced with a lot of "what if's" regards the choices and decisions I made. I know that they are now "water under the bridge"; but it doesn't mean that I can't do anything about some of them anymore, right?
Now I recall while I was in my fourth year high school, an aunt-in-law, a chemist, who worked abroad and apparently very successful visited us, Then and there, I decided I wanted to be like her. Later on however, while pursuing chemistry, I had a lot of frustrations, I also didn't like long hours doing the laboratory experiments. However, I must have been too proud to admit that I made a wrong choice and I didn't want to disappoint my parents. When I got the diploma I didn't feel like laboring myself daily in a laboratory, constantly wearing a lab gown, so I didn't bother pursuing the profession.
Eventually, I found myself an administrative position; and part of my responsibility was managing a school plant; however challenging it was, a thankless job as they say, I liked being in charge and easily embraced a management position thereafter.
Then there's my husband, a licensed Chemical Engineer who first worked as a quality control supervisor right after college. Obviously he was not happy working in the manufacturing plant; nor he believed he can be happy doing a desk job all day. He found soon enough that he wanted to be out there in the field so he looked for a marketing job.
When ESSO hired him, he found his true calling. He really like selling so much that one annual vacation, when I can't take time off from work to enjoy it with him, he sold home appliances on the side. Let me tell you, he is really good at this, he can sell almost anything; once he even helped a friend sell his inter-island passenger vessel.
As I read further into the book, Dr. Phil wrote:
"..this is not an all or nothing proposition, there maybe something that you wish you could add to an otherwise great life...."
Now I'm beginning to understand why I even opened a convenience store and my husband easily agreed. He knew I enjoy having a shop, so I run it even while I was employed. He knew that it is just a "hobby" and I only make coffee money out of it. But then again, I am fulfilling one of my passions. Now that I am retired it is also an "escape" when I feel too much confined at home.
When I was working, I thought that my life won't be interesting anymore after I retire, that I'd get bored staying at home; but I was wrong. Now I am as busy as ever, yet I feel good doing what I like. In fact, I feel more "alive" today than in any other time in my life; there is that constant adrenaline flowing, I'm always interested to learn new things, so many things to discover and I feel like there are more good times ahead.
What do you think, am I now more connected to my authentic self, and truly living who I really am?
Having said that however, there are still things I like to do; like getting a piece of land to start my herb garden, plant and sell some ornamentals; maybe buy and sell old furnitures and fixtures; organize a shop to craft articles from wood scrap and even add a snack bar into the mix.
More than that, I'd like to write my biography, write a book and perhaps publish it, oh, my list is a long one. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to accomplish some of these before the curtain falls?
I know that I just scratched the surface of this subject but I'm sure you get the idea. So if you are not feeling like any or all of the situations I quoted at the start, then maybe you need some soul searching.
Finally, Dr. Phil wrote:
"what matters is that you commit to finding and reconnecting to your authentic self; rewrite your personal truth and live a life that lets you be who you are; if you don't do that, no one will".
"A racehorse has to run, a bird has to fly, an artist has to paint, a teacher has to teach. There is something in you that you have to do".
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