All Saints' Day is almost here again, and to most people, this is a time to remember loved ones who passed. I always remember my Papa and Mama most especially this time when I offer mass for their eternal repose.
Since we buried my Mama in 1980, (my Papa went a year earlier) I haven't been back to my hometown nor looked back. It was really hard for me to go back home in the earlier days and even to this day. Being there brings back all the memories that it hurt so much. I can't bear entering our ancestral home to find that they are no longer there. I believe that I can never be totally over their passing after all these years.
The townsfolk, including my close friends and especially our relatives must have thought me heartless and insensitive not going to my parents' graves at least during the traditional All Saints' Day visit. But the folks are kind, I never heard anything like that, I guess they respect my feelings.
You see, I believe that my parents are already in a better place; there's nothing there anymore. I don't have to go to the cemetery to prove that I haven't turned my back on them. Maybe my belief is not a popular one, no offense to those who think otherwise.
But I know that they are always in my heart and mind. They are in the memories I treasure, in the values and life lessons they taught me as well as in their love and care that made me who I am today in more ways than one.
I love my parents very much but I regret not being able to give them enough comfort in their old age; they stayed in the province but we siblings lived in the Metro. Not that I didn't try but I would have wanted them to have enjoyed life more in their later years.
My parents were not demanding, not at all. In fact they never asked for anything but they were appreciative and thankful for what we could share and for the time we spent with them. They never complained, they were just glad knowing that we, their children were happy and well.
If they were alive today, they would have been excited having an iPad because their passion is reading, I would have downloaded ebooks for them, I can just imagine them reading novel after novel. They would have enjoyed learning about the latest news and about the world via the Internet. In their time they lived waiting for their weekly subscription of magazines to arrive and the paperbacks they ordered.
If I can bring back the hands of time, that would be my greatest wish. Here is where I want to thank them for introducing me to the world of books.
Thank you Papa for showing me how to value hard work through gardening and farming. You really had a green thumb, your ponderosa variety of chikoo or sapodilla were the best, they were bigger than the largest Fuji Apple, juicy and sweet as well. The sweet-smelling flowers of the magnolia you planted in our front lawn were really perfume material.
Mama, I always admired your humble and quiet ways, accepting whatever life hands out. Never a sigh or a word of complain did I hear when times were hard, you made almost everything possible, I know you tried very hard when things seemed hopeless.
I can never forget the happy times baking cakes with you; angel food cake, pineapple upside down along with the other pastries in your baking repertoire. I could never again taste a cake as good as those unless I bake them like you taught me.
I can't believe that we made angel food cake using a fork to beat a dozen egg-whites until soft peaks formed. Oh Mama, why didn't you buy a mixer? You could afford it, we were not rich but we were not poor either. I recall we also used a makeshift oven without a temperature gauge over a gas stove, something quite impossible now, but the cakes always turned out great. I remember also that your leche flan (creme brûlée) was the best!
On this coming All Saints Day, you know that I won't be there at the cemetery as always but I'll be remembering and praying for you both. It would take me a lifetime to really say goodbye and that you will be in my heart forever.
No comments:
Post a Comment