Learning to Live Beyond Compare

Recently, I learned that a friend in grade school is a published and multi-awarded author and her books, about 40 of them and counting, sell in leading bookstores. Not only that, she is also teaching and completed her doctorate degree abroad. Of course I've known all along that she is writing children's books, but I didn't realize the extent of her work.  

For a while this made me wonder what I did all these years and why I'm not as accomplished as she is. I immediately felt inadequate especially since I just started my blog, and still groping at that, while writing is her forte. What if she reads my blogs, I thought, wouldn't she think them mediocre? Shall I stop now? I asked myself; then again: why should I?  This is just play to me and I don't really mind if it lacks literature quality, it's just my self expression. 

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not in competition with her, I'm not the competitive type, I'm more of a happy-for-you kind of person. Besides  this friend is so unaffected and humble, very sincere, gracious and quick to give praise; but maybe this news just unsettled me a bit. After a while I realized that it is all about the choices I made and then I wondered how much she had given up to be where she is right now. After all the bottom line is that I'm happy where I am today.

Did you ever wonder why we use our friends' lifestyle , their attitude, their successes and acquisitions as yardsticks for our own happiness? Why are we living on somebody else's standard anyway? And why do we even care if we don't measure up?

Experts say that it is all about social comparisons and external goals. Read on.

"Why does she look so slim and beautiful all the time? She looks like she never had a bad hair day in her life; she's always so put together, I feel so lousy being with her. "

"She only uses Prada and Gucci, It makes me feel self conscious to put my bag beside hers. She always has the latest gadget; just this Christmas she got herself the new iPad air."

"Oh, I just love those killer heels she wore to the office today, sorry for me wearing my old reliable pumps."

"Did you know that her husband just got promoted and was given a brand new car?  What is taking my husband so long to be promoted? "

"I envy the guys next door, the whole family is always happy, they travel frequently and enjoy eating out often, I'm sad that we can't be like  them"

Can you relate to the above comments? 

 If you were a husband, don't you regret bringing your wife to your friend's  house warming?  Didn't it bother you when she won't stop raving over the big, beautiful house in an elite subdivision; the six-car garage; the state-of-the-arte kitchen with a sub-zero freezer, the oven-whatever and the big-as-a-gym bathroom?"

If not your wife, it could be you who wished you never went at all, since now you feel frustrated that you couldn't give the same to your family. 

Why do we compare ourselves to others when most often than not we are affected? Wouldn't it be better if we overcome all impulses to react on such comparisons? Truth be told, experts believe that there is no such standard to speak of; and  that's the basic reason we validate how we are doing by comparing ourselves to others; the only measure we know. So we always think that the neighbor's lawn is always greener, their house prettier, their income bigger, and so on,  it never ends, really!

And this makes us frustrated and unhappy. 

Today, my priority is finding peace, joy and calmness in my life, I don't need these comparisons.  I'll be better off just counting my blessings like I always do. I'll just be happy being myself; I know I'm unique and one-of-a-kind in this world.  I will follow my passions, chase my dreams, work on my skills to improve my competence in things I do, ( like writing this blog for instance ) and all other activities I may undertake. 

Easier said than done?