I FOUND A FRIEND DURING THE PANDEMIC

It's been 3 days since my new friend was able to join her son and Dutch husband in Rotterdam after her earlier flights were cancelled 3 times since April. 

From the airport waiting for her flight, she messaged me: 

"Thank you so very much for our wonderful mornings ! Those mornings were the highlights of my day! In my very long zoom meetings, I did not have time anymore to write you a card! But my driver will bring the wine! My thank you wine!"

I never enjoyed walking 10,000 steps more than I did with Tess.  Sans a walking buddy, I could only make more than 8000.  It is truly more pleasurable to have an exercise buddy.  Now I understand how she felt when she told me that after her move to this village she did not jog for a year, she missed her friend from her old place; she then prayed that she be given another. 

One of the best things that happened to me in this pandemic was getting to know our neighbors better.  We have this chat group that kept us updated with news and provided interaction for common concerns. It is truly a small community. 

But Tess stood out because we have a common hobby, I walk while she jogs and walks too.  We discovered a lot of common interests; cooking, gardening and so much more. We shared our best recipes, sometimes she would send me a dish peculiar to Samar, that's in southern Philippines where most of their cooking repertoire has coconut milk.

I offered my cabbage diet soup recipe when she wanted to lose 5 kilos. Don't get me wrong, she is not at all big, in fact her figure is perfect; It's just that the fridge was so accessible during this pandemic. The diet was for a week, everyday we did a countdown of her weight until, hooray!  She reached her goal. 

Then I introduced her to sun gazing, my husband's best ever, tried and tested healing therapy.  By looking directly at the sun an hour after sunrise, the eyes absorb its energy.  It is believed to energize and rejuvenate the body organs and turns one's vision to high definition.  To say that she was hooked is saying it mildly because she also sun gazed at sunset. 

Tess taught me to take better pictures, especially of sunrises and sunsets. Would you believe that to include a branch of a palm or a twig of flowers into the scene would create more interesting pictures; be it the sun, the moon or the clouds, making it a true piece of art?  Never in my life that I appreciated sunrises and sunsets more than now.  

"In pictures, perspective is important", she said.  When she gave me a bowl of huge native plums (duhat) almost as big as a teaspoon, I was at loss how to show it's size in a photo.  She put 3 pieces on her palm that hardly held them; then on a saucer with a fork.  Well, it's never to late to learn, great lesson, Tess. 

We took lots of pictures of spectacular and glorious sunrises; but what we love most is a cool and cloudless sunrise.  From her balcony, she took flaming gorgeous sunsets while I did the same in my front lawn.  At dawn,  we captured splendid pictures of a mellowed moon.  We photographed beautiful vibrant flowers, unusual plants and trees; birds in forest-like vacant lots full of multi-colored leaves. 

Her colorful home changed my mind about flowering plants, particularly bougainvilleas which I learned could be tamed, contrary to my impression that this plant is unruly and wild.  Now I'm propagating bougainvilleas from cuttings. 

We picked up fallen santol and mangoes.  Though she has a very prolific mango tree, she wanted to taste the different varieties found in the enclave. We decided her mangoes were the sweetest. 

She is a fashionista, she loves clothes, she likes to dress up in colorful exercise outfits, even her mask and cap, a match. She would tell me she saw a new mask on line that she liked so she ordered several. 

I was fascinated when we were walking one day and I started to quote Elizabeth Barrett Browning: " I love you from the depth and breadth...."  and she completed it for me.  Then she quoted Ralph Waldo Emerson: " If eyes were made for seeing .......And together, we recited: " then beauty is its own excuse for being".  Isn't that amazing? 

I enjoyed her stories, about her childhood by the beach, of magnificent sunsets and the wonderful sound of waves.  Apparently, I'm a little bit hot myself because she enjoyed my stories too.  We laughed a lot, about little things and simple things.  Once she told me that she likes our topics of conversation because there's no gossip.

Thanks for walking with me this summer, Tess.  You're such interesting company. I enjoyed our walks, the stories and the brilliant sunrises.  Many thanks too for the twin Beringer red merlot. 

THE PROMISE OF JUNE

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The month of June is very significant to me.  First and foremost, my two daughters were born in the month of June.  From then on, they celebrate their birthdays a week apart, the 5th and the 12th. 

This year though, I'll be content just greeting them through FaceTime.  On the 5th, my older daughter's birthday, we won't eat out, I can't even buy her a gift, so I thought I'll just prepare dinner to be sent over to her home a few blocks away. 

On the 12th, there would have been a more elaborate celebration for my younger daughter who lives abroad since she will celebrate a milestone birthday.  This year, greeting her on FaceTime and offering lots of prayers for her well being is the best I could do.

June is also significant to me because for 30 years I've worked in a school.  Up to this time I still feel the excitement of the children on school opening, this feeling has remained with me even though I'm  now retired.

This year when the worldwide pandemic progressed, the Enhanced Community Quarentine was implemented.  Many people suffered, a lot went without food until food packs were distributed, a great majority had no work and many died.  Some complained of discomfort and boredom confined in their homes, many felt deprived of their freedom of movement.  

But did we ever wonder why this is happening?  Are we being given a lesson or some kind of a punishment?  Could this be something similar in purpose like the burning of Sodom and Gomorra?

Then I started to reflect and tried to understand, I asked myself if mankind has become too materialistic and too preoccupied with our own selfish whims and ambitions that we overlooked what really matters?  Did we really pay attention to what is vital for our existence?  Did we show  appreciation for all the best things that this world provides? 

Then I realized what this pandemic also brought us and I thought; could it be that The Almighty wants us to live this way; focusing more of our time to the family, less time for gadgets while giving each one our full attention they deserve?  Eating meals together and enjoying just being together in a well ordered home?  Aren't those the things that we've always wanted, yet couldn't get on to them because we were so preoccupied in acquiring more money and material things? 

These past weeks as I walked 10,000 steps everyday with my friend and my husband in the street where we live, we always anticipated a beautiful sunrise so we could sun gaze.  Oftentimes, we were disappointed that we can't see the brightness of the sun covered by clouds.  But we know that it is there shining brightly on the other parts of the world and that nothing can suppress its brightness.  

So I thought back what my good friend Nina post on Facebook a few days ago that: "like the sun covered by clouds, we couldn't see its brightness; in life our problems may dim the light of our days but they can never stop the promised brightness of tomorrow".  

This year 2020 therefore, on this month of June we now anticipate better days since the community quarantine in our country has been partly eased up. We are now into the onset of another way of life, hopefully this new normal which is much anticipated by all of us will open up a bright new beginning. 

CELEBRATING MAMA ON MOTHER'S DAY

What's a better way to remember my Mama than celebrating her life?  And what perfect time than Mother's Day?

What is not to like about my Mama?  I believe there's none. I wish I was more like her.  She always chose to be happy even when the chips were down.  That's her trademark.  

When things got tougher, she was quiet, you'd think she was hurting, but no, maybe she was trying to solve the problem or just praying, I never asked.  I wish I had, then I would have learned more about this exemplary behavior. 

The older of two daughters, born and raised by a Filipino father, an author and school superintendent and a half Spanish mother.  She was very fluent in Spanish that our  family daily rosary was said in Spanish. 

She went to St Theresa's college, majored in piano, minor in voice.  Before the outbreak of WorldWar II, she got married to  a lawyer from the Ateneo de Manila who wanted a simple life, that he just took care of rice lands bequeath by his Lola who spoiled him to death.

After the war, she found herself married with two kids in the hometown of my Papa.  We lived in his ancestral home with his aunties and cousins and I saw how well they got along. Those were happy times, full of laughter, cooking, eating singing and dancing. 

Being new in the community, she was well accepted by the locals.  She gave piano lessons to children of affluent families.  She was a friend to everybody and no enemies that I know of.  She was very religious and a devout Catholic.  She played the organ for the church choir and was active in church activities.  

She was an avid reader, she loved books and magazines.  She subscribed to several American women's magazines: The Ladies Home Journal, The Redbook, Good Housekeeping as well as the local weeklies.  My Papa had the Saturday  Evening Post and Popular Mechanics.  Before I went to high school she got me a set of hard-bound Emily Loring and my brother got a set of Tom Suayer. 

Books were her first and last love. The then famous Alemar's and Goodwill bookstores were her candy shop and playground.  You would think she'd put her money on clothes and jewelry?   But no, she bought books, plenty of books. 

She would frequent the movies too, after all, just like a novel ,a movie is another form of entertainment to her.  She loved to snack at little soda fountains along Avenida Rizal  and  Carriedo but she was also comfortable in chilling at the more upscale coffee shops in Oceanic Commercial and Botica Boie in Escolta, the place where the elite shopped. 

I admire her values, she was very proper in all ways.  She was always gracious and charming but her strength in character is obvious. She is very optimistic and trusting, she had a good word for everyone, always gave people the benefit of the doubt and was quick to forgive. 

Her clothes were simple but expertly done by a couturier, and her accessories were just right and minimal. She could have bought lots of jewelry since she had her own money from her share of royalties earned by her Papa's books; though my Papa could have bought them for her.  Apparently she was not that interested, I recall she only had two sets of diamond earrings and a longines wrist watch with a delicately thin solid gold strap. 

She was a great hostess, generous in serving sumptuous food whenever she and my Papa entertained friends.  They gave parties very often, with great food and drinks. They often danced the night away, tango being the craze at the time.  I think that was their way of filling the gap from  a former lifestyle in Manila,  after all there was not much to do for entertainment in that small town.  I guess that was also the reason that they read a lot, no tv or telephone then, only radio. 

Merienda were cakes that my Mama baked, doughnuts, banana fritters, golyorya too, native cakes among other pastries.  We never ran out of bananas, boiled peanuts, fruits in season on the dining table.  After the afternoon snack, she would crochet, knit or do crafts with the cousins while they listened to music from the radio until dinner time. 

On summer afternoons, activities took place right after lunch, she played bingo, mahjong, gin rummy, scrabble or other card or board games with us, kids.  Before his formal schooling, my younger brother learned to count from 1 to 75.  I think you can guess why. 

We had a happy childhood because my mama made sure of that.  She made our home a great place where we thrived, she was everything to us, the focal point of our lives.  She kissed away our wounds and never slept when we were sick. 

She introduced us to the wonderful world of novels; taught me how to bake, cook and other good housekeeping  activities.  She taught us everything there is to know, good manners, table manners, everything. 

This May, I celebrate Mother's Day with mixed emotions, that of happiness and sadness.  Sad because I miss her, I feel like  I haven't talked to her enough, there are many things I wanted to know about her, I never thought I'd lose her that soon.  

On the flip side, I'm happy that she was my mother.  I cherish with love all the wonderful moments I've spent with her.  I'll remember the good times and the best times, they are great memories to keep for a lifetime.  Of all the mothers in the whole world, she was the best! And I love her. 

IS THIS ALL THERE IS TO MY LIFE?

I know someone who was feeling frustrated with his life.  He seem unable to find meaning and purpose in his life.  I guess this came about because his partner, who is a few years younger asked him if "this is it for them".  

She may be referring to their uneventful day to day lives with no hope to better it.  Apparently he is disturbed that his partner feels unhappy  and he feels helpless that he can't do anything about it.  I can understand his concern; don't they always say that "happy wife, happy life"?

This is a testament that in life's  passages,  no matter what stage we are in; retired or otherwise, we at one point in our lives may feel lost or get stuck.  For those of us who had a career and retired, we feel this way when the euphoria of freedom from the corporate world and  the "on vacation" mode wears out.  

Retirement experts call this the stage of disillusionment.  It is when we realize that we did not make it big in our career, that we did not become rich or popular; that we can't have the life we have been dreaming of, and now it's too late because we ran out of time. 

It is also the time when we are no longer happy with what's happening or what's not happening to our lives;  we feel dissatisfied, unfulfilled and yes, disillusioned. 

I recall a time in our lives when at some point, we too may have experienced this stage in a subtle way.  Early on Jim, my husband was gainfully employed in one of the leading oil companys.  After twenty years he resigned and developed a business with a partner.   After a few years this business folded up leaving him with nothing to do. 

I wasn't retired then so he was left on his own devices at home.  Well, to be fair, he wasn't moping or complaining but I knew he was bored.  Apparently, watching tv, reading books, playing golf and trading in the stock market was not enough. 

During that time, my office bought a sizable piece of land they wanted to develop as a model farm-hotel school.  They want to train students to grow veggies, learn to cook their produce and serve them in a hotel setting. 

I suggested he take the post, though it was something totally different from the career he knew.  The land was located about an hour from the metro in a tourist vacation city.  The climate is cool and invigorating, ideal to be outdoors, taking in fresh air and sunshine while directing workers.  In short, he applied and got the job as Farm and Business Development Manager. 

Notice how Jim was able to reinvent his life, though it was a bit easy because the opportunity presented itself; still it was not along his line of expertise.  Jim is a Chemical Engineer and his career has always been in marketing, nevertheless he took it as a challenge and turned it into an adventure. 

Retirement is an entirely new life and we should understand that our life will change, one way or the other. The key here is adaptability and openness to embrace what's new. 

We cannot avoid change, in life the only permanent thing is change so this should not surprise us.  Retirement planners often ask:  "what do you plan to do when you retire?". 

At that point before retirement, we are very optimistic, eager to unburden ourselves with our job responsibilities. But I'll say it again, that the feeling of freedom and the thrill of being on vacation will wear out sooner than we expect.  

Others may not be as lucky as Jim in this regard.  And so we need to work on ourselves.  Shall we look deep in our hearts and try to find new purpose to our existence, a new significance, a new opportunity, or a cause to defend or fight for? 

Let us ask ourselves where or how do we find  contentment. Are we looking for a chance to earn so we can add to our retirement money?  What will define the purpose of our day? Maybe it is good to change gears, look outside the box in order to discover our new adventure. 

WHY AM I CLUMSY TODAY?

Why is it that there are days when I couldn't get it together?  I drop almost everything that I am holding.  I can't understand why.  Am I just having bad days?  

I was sautéing veggies when the pan slid off a bit, I tried to put it back in the right position but it fell out of my grip.  There went our dinner!

Another time, when I was frying something, I used one hand to hold the pan in place while the other was holding the turner.  Again the pan slid off and I couldn't hold the heavy cast iron pan tight enough that it fell off.  Though I was quick to get out of the way when it fell on the floor, off the sputtering hot oil, the handle broke off and I couldn't use the pan again. 

In recent years, I feel my grip is not as strong as it used to be. I cannot open a bottle of jam that has been opened and closed many times.  I am bothered that the last person who covered it must have tightened it so much.  This irritates me. 

Whenever I turn the knob of our bedroom door, it takes me twice or three tries before I can open it with great effort. When I tie fancy string on gift tags, it takes me awhile to do it.  I used to have good dexterity.  What's happening to me?  Am I too old to do such things?  Or am I just so clumsy? 

I also observed that making a tight fist requires such an effort in recent months unless I hold a stress ball. 

Because of the above incidents, I always maintained a conscious effort to grasp things tightly so they won't fall off my grip.  I do this while pouring hot water to my tea and when pouring ice water to my glass or moving a vase from one place to another.  

When putting big serving dishes of food on the table, I now use both hands while holding the edges tightly.  Same goes when I put in or remove baking dishes from the oven. 

But it came to a point that wondering about this dropping incidents is no longer enough.  I had to get an answer.  After some research, I learned that it is common for older people to lose part of their sense of grip.  As we grow older, the fingers lose some of their sensitivity, some say it may be due to the decrease in blood flow to the nerve endings and it takes time for the brain to transmit. 

Furthermore, medical experts say that there is nothing serious to worry about if our grip is loose and we  keep dropping things.  However when this happens progressively, medical experts say that there maybe underlying conditions.  It is best then to have it checked especially when we experience additional symptoms.  

Other reasons presented by experts that may cause hand weakness is arthritis since  pain and swelling makes it difficult to grasp things.  Or tendonitis when part of the muscles tear, and we experience pain and swelling as well.  Doing repetitive motions like typing or using a tennis racquet may also cause pain when we grasp objects. 

Now I understand that I'm not the only one who drop things occasionally.   All things said, it is always good for us to get a good grip on things literally or otherwise. 

RETIREMENT FACTS TO CONTEND WITH FOR A HAPPY LIFE

Many retirees say that they had the most trying times on their first year of retirement.  Well, I can believe that, after all this is a big transition, just like our first few days in kindergarten when we don't know anyone and finding a friend or two seem elusive or after college when we look for a job and face the big wide world. 

Not knowing what to do is one of the major challenges of newly retired individuals.  Some have no agenda except to travel a bit, play golf, garden, fix the house, etc.;  but eventually they find that those are not enough.  Soon they are reluctant to get up in the morning because they have nothing to do and nowhere to go. 

After retirement, most of us suddenly feel alone.  Our friends from work now seem to belong to another world.  Those with whom we have established a relationship will remain as friends but we lose the others because our only connection is work, moreover we no longer have the influence nor the personality.   

When I needed someone to do odd jobs at home, I asked the office handyman to do the job on his day off and I give extra pay.  When I needed a runner to for government concerns, I pay someone from the office.  Likewise when my husband needed one to have his car checked or renew registration he would pay an office driver to do them.  Now we no longer have that connection so we do it on our own. 

When we catch up with friends from the former office, they'll talk about the office.  What good is that?  That's our past, we left that already, shouldn't we look forward to the future.  The sooner we wean ourselves from our former work, the experts advise, the easier our adjustment will be. 

What is there to do then?  How do we fill our days?  If we were busy persons at work, we will look for that kind of lifestyle.  We will look for those regular meetings, preparing reports and meeting deadlines;  team coordination on special events, brainstorming for upcoming projects and other discussions and interactions that pump up our adrenaline.  

We miss the feeling of belonging; the early morning coffee time exchanging grapevine news.  We miss the quick breakfast with a colleague or choosing where to get lunch delivery; we long for that tete-a-tete with an office friend.  We miss the after-work socials, the "one-for-the-road",  at a nearby bar, oftentimes ending up one too many if it gets interesting.  

How then can retirees move on???

I'm lucky that we had the convenience store to look after right after retirement.  That gave me a reason to get up; it kept me busy in the mornings.   In the afternoons I took it easy, read books and fixed things around the house that I meant to do earlier on.

Socialization could be a solution, it is highly recommended to build our social network.  In the getting acquainted stage however, we seem at a loss not knowing exactly how to introduced ourselves,   “err..the former administrator,  the former bank manager or the former VP". See, we are even reduced to just "no one".  How to describe ourselves?

Fellow seniors would invite us to their group, to do what they enjoy doing.  If we don't feel doing the same, experts suggest that it is okay to say no.  This is not the time to give in to peoples' invitation unlike when we had to play along in the corporate world.  This is the time when we are finally free, we had a career, we built a home,  we raised the children;  isn't it time to do what we want? 

But don't despair, retirement can open up new possibilities, but we have to do it alone or with our partner; together we make decisions and choices that will make us happy. 

When we wake up to a new day consider it as a gift that we should be grateful about.  We are still alive, strong and physically independent, lucid with a lot of experience, we could be assets to some institutions.  Yet when we look up towards the heavens, we don't get an answer.  

Would it be good to look inside our hearts and minds to get a head start?  Why don't we look back to the days when we were happiest and find out what we were doing then?  Let us look deep in our thoughts and be guided by our most treasured memories to discern how best we could live this third part of our lives.  It is not bad to do that again.

On the flip side, it is not also bad to try something new, after all it is often said that in life there are no wrong turns, only unexpected paths and situations.  Would we consider taking an unfamiliar path because this may lead us to the best places? 

SOCIALIZATION RATES NUMBER 1FOR A GREAT RETIREMENT ACTIVITY

Just as I was thinking about socialization as a topic for my next blog on the retirement series, my neighbor, Tess, a walking buddy invited me and another neighbor for dinner. 

I thought, why not?  I knew it would be nice to visit her vibrant and lovely home again.  Besides, it is always great to meet another possible good friend.  

I read that socialization rates number one among the retirement tips suggested by experts.  It is the best way to keep the doctor away and illness at bay.  Yes!  More than the apple-a-day prescribed by a nursery rhyme we learned in kindergarten.  Interaction with people tops in keeping the older folks lucid, alert and happy more than breaking our brains doing crossword puzzle;  agonizing over every move in chess or reading almost every book. 

I remembered my manners so I wondered what I'll bring to dinner.  I know a bottle of red would be appropriate but I recalled that my hostess asked me if I like crabs and there is no more white wine in my husband's stash.  Besides, they say that the best pairing for crabs is beer, I really wouldn't know though, I don't drink alcoholic beverages; except maybe a glass of bubbly on special events, but that is seldom. 

So I went to a nearby bakery and found a nicely decorated matcha green tea chiffon cake and I decided that will do. Someone said that if there's a cake it's a party, otherwise, it is just a meeting. 

Promptly at six, I found myself comfortably seated on a comfortable leather couch with soft pillows all around, in my hostess' office/ tv/lounging room being offered plantain fries with a glass of my choice of drink while waiting for the other friend to arrive.  

As soon as she arrived, she offered her hand to me in introduction.  Right away, I found her quite interesting, I knew that we would click as friends.  For 30 years, she worked as a flight attendant, she is still looking young and fresh and has kept her hour glass figure like our hostess. I didn't mind that I'm not as slender as they are, after all I'm more than 20 years older, so that's acceptable. 

We had dinner by the pool; there was a slight breeze coming from the plants surrounding the lashed garden.  Before I knew it, we were eating and laughing a lot, sharing stories and everything women talk about when they get together.  It was a fun evening. We were reluctant to end it but we are just neighbors so we can always do it again. 

This morning, I saw Me'anne or rather she saw me and she sat beside me in church for the first Friday mass.  She told me after mass that when she saw me she told herself, "Lord, I knew she could be my friend". 

I had a great time at dinner last night.  Socializing with friends  indeed breaks the monotony of routine and boost adrenaline for anyone, young or old alike.