Saturday 3 January 2015

How Did You Celebrate Christmas



I copied this quote from one of my facebook friends. 

How was your Christmas, or better yet, were your "Holy Days" happy?  Did it go as you expected?  Did you bond with family and friends?  Did you pose for that traditional picture by the Christmas tree?  More importantly, did you create happy memories to last forever?

Families have different Christmas traditions. Some travel abroad taking advantage of the children's vacation, others check in to hotels to be free of cooking and preparing food at home. Some devote a day during the season to share their blessings with the less fortunate.  However most of us stay home, big families take turns in hosting Christmas feast for the clan. 

Way back then, the celebration with my parents and siblings revolved  around church festivities; it starts with the misa de gallo and ends on the feast of the Three Kings.   That's how it was in the early days; the Christmas atmosphere prevailed until early January.  The festive feeling that's in each and everyone lasted throughout the whole season.
 
Our big party is the noche buena,  right after the midnight mass on Christmas Eve.  In our hometown, my parents had lots of friends that they always invite.  Add this to the numerous aunts, granduncles and grandaunts around, so there's always a big crowd celebrating with us at home; and I liked that, "the more, the merrier". 

My own family's tradition today is dinner together at around 8 o'clock on Christmas Eve.  Afterwards, we pose for the traditional Christmas picture and open our gifts.  That's when fun pics are taken, it's when we loosen up a bit and forget whatever life's challenges we have (at least during the season).  There's a lot of laughing and kidding around that one just couldn't avoid being caught into it.  As we open our gifts, we thank each other; some are even trying them on for size so they know if there is a need to exchange.   We usually break up before midnight so our married children can spend noche buena or Christmas Day lunch with their spouses' families. 

This year, my Christmas was wonderful; my two daughters and their families celebrated the happy event with us, the younger one and her husband who live abroad came home for vacation.  We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day together just catching up, enjoyed long meals; recalling family stories and sharing future plans.  Though we've been going to the malls and eating out, still being at home; the place where they all grew up and had celebrated many Christmases gave us a memorable venue for great bonding time.  

My son and his family couldn't make it; but because of FaceTime it felt like they were also with us.   Before our 8-month-old grandson's bedtime, we saw him in his Christmas outfit: a white shirt with a picture of a penguin wearing a Santa cap and snow falling around it; a text is printed across:
"My first Christmas".  

Then, we continued exchanging greetings.  
"It looks like you're having fun, I see everyone smiling and hey, did you all plan to wear blue?  And Dad is wearing a nice polo shirt, is that new, Dad?" My son asked.  I myself put on a dark pink shirt but my older daughter asked me to change it to blue so that I blended in.  

"Don't send our gifts", my son said:  "I'll get them myself when I go there for business in early January, we'll celebrate Christmas again and I will bring your gifts then". That's how it went, everyone greeted him and his wife; everyone was thrilled with the baby, lots of ohhh's and ahhh's  were expressed as we all looked at him when we passed my iPad around. 

One day between Christmas and new year my husband's two married brothers in Vancouver had FaceTime with us as well, including their wives, children and grandchildren. We got to listen to their youngest, my nephew's two-year-old son who was very talkative.  He kept saying: " I love you", as he was prodded. 

Again, we passed the iPad around like they did as well, brother to brother talked, sister-in-law to the other; cousin to cousin, niece/nephew to uncle/auntie and everybody. It was fun, everyone in high spirits, they just had dinner while we were putting away the remains of our brunch.  

What I miss this year was the annual FaceTime with my sister and youngest brother who both live in the US.  Every Christmas, my sister and my younger brother and his family go to my niece's home in Fairfield, California and when they're all there, I get to talk to everyone of them. Nonetheless, it's okay since we chat often. 

On Facebook, I learned a lot of interesting things about my friends' Christmas celebrations. For instance, I learned that one of my BFF, Agnes who now lives in New York cooks delicious ham decorated with pineapple rings and cherries.  She post this ham prepared for the nurses in the hospital where she works. 



I saw a college BFF, Bee, wearing a Santa costume at a party and when I made a comment: "Filipina turned into a Santa", she replied:
"Watch you chimney Ritz, if Santa stays with her diet, then she'll make it there, Ho! Ho! Ho!"

I saw a picture of my childhood friend having their Christmas dinner with the family members in costume.  My comment:
"This reminds me of your family reunions where each and every family presented a production number.  I knew it was a lot of fun for you all and I envied that as a child".  And she replied:
"We still have that reunion, Rita, this is our 70th year". Isn't it great that they kept that tradition alive?  

It is also interesting to see friends' homes well decorated; a friend in Alabama  post pictures of her home, including the nooks and corners tastefully decorated for Christmas. 

A lot of friends post pictures of their feasts while others shared their family pictures.  I noticed that every family has their own delicious Christmas menu.  My favorite is the one prepared by my niece, Angel who lives in Los Angeles.  That porcheta looks so crunchy.



There is no doubt that everyone of my friends had a wonderful Christmas, if I gauge it on what I saw on Facebook.   Tables were overflowing with all kinds of delicious food; the Christmas trees loaded with gifts and they were all smiling, I'm sure there's a lot of kissing and hugging as well.

For my family, our Christmas celebration is not yet over, even though my younger daughter and her husband went back home to the city where they work.  In fact they spent New Year's Eve in our son's home.  Here she is feeding her nephew, our grandson while she's drinking her red.   



For want of a reason to go out, we again had dinner with my older daughter and her family only last night, we enjoyed yet another wonderful evening with yummy Italian and Mediterranean food.  Over coffee and dessert, we just listened to the popular music (which only our granddaughter can sing along), played a group conducting Zumba sessions. 





When we meet our son to hug and greet him "Merry Christmas", over breakfast, that would wind up our celebration on a high note. 

Happy New year everyone! 


Saturday 20 December 2014

Thankful For This Year



It's been a month after Thanksgiving and you maybe wondering why this blog is a month late.  Well, it is during the holiday season that I feel most thankful;  it is this time of the year that I slow down and gather my thoughts over the "gifts" I receive every year.  I count them every night though, before I go to sleep instead of counting sheep.  

I am thankful for my life and this beautiful world we live in.  If we would just "stop, look and listen",  we would see that our world is a kaleidoscope of color and drama.  It stimulates our five senses and sharpens our intuition, our sixth sense.  I am happy that now I have time to cultivate a few plants and  "smell the flowers", my small way of bonding with nature. 

The BIG blessing that we received this year, the most unexpected and pleasantly surprising is the birth of our grandson. After praying and hoping, our family's wish have been granted, you can't imagine our  joy and excitement!

"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."
William Shakespeare, in Hamlet

These immortal words were written almost four hundred years ago, spoken by Hamlet after he saw his father's ghost in the castle hallway.  It is believed that he was talking about the mysteries of life and death.  

Why in heaven's name would I invoke Hamlet here, especially when I'm talking about being grateful?  Well, speaking of life's mysteries, who would have dreamed that I can now talk or send a message to someone, anywhere in the world by just tapping a few buttons on a gadget as small as 2x3 inches or even as small as a watch?   I wouldn't have believed it then, if someone told me during my childhood; at a time when the only means of communication available was through telegraph, telephone available only in strategic cities and sending letters via the postal system.  I would have thought that impossible.  

Then afterwards, in more recent years, what I thought to be improvable then, which is possible now, was when I watched with amazement Michael Jay Fox used his credit card to pay for his cab fare in the movie Back to the Future. 

Isn't it wonderful to be living in this digital age when communication is done in a heartbeat?  It makes a "small world after all".   Within my  family, there is no other time that we bond as often;  two of our children live oceans apart from us, but we seem to be talking almost everyday, as if they just live around the corner.   I even know what my two daughters' families had for lunch or dinner, complete with pictures.  

Through FaceTime and in pictures e-mailed weekly, (which I always save in Dropbox), we observe my grandson's progress as he grows into a little boy.  I am also delighted every time my 9-year-old granddaughter says goodnight by sending me through WhatsApp cute little good nite pictures. 

Thanks to Wattpad, Kobo, and iBooks, I am enjoying my favorite past time again, reading as much novels as I want; and through blogspot.com, where I publish my blog, I found an outlet for self-expression. 

Digital communication aside, I am most happy that nowadays, my husband and I developed a good rhythm, no words necessary; never did we understand each other better than now;  and learn to accept each other's idiosyncrasies.  Is it because we are more relax now, there is no more pressure from work; or is it because we just mellowed with age?   Whatever the reason, our bond is stronger now thus together,  we are more apt to face life's challenges.  We also exercise together and enjoy our "happy hour" at Starbucks, content and comfortable in companionable silence as we sip our fraps and read the newspaper or a magazine, oblivious of the noise around us. 

I am thankful for my wealth of health, including that of my entire family.   At my age, I thank God that I am still equipped with more youthful energy, vitality and optimism.  Most people our age take a lot of maintenance medicine, I am lucky that I only take multi-vitamins.  Earlier on at work, I used to take headache medicine almost everyday.  Having my spinal column aligned by our chiropractor is also a blessing for my body heals itself to function properly.
 
I am thankful that our children are married to responsible, no-nonsense spouses, living sensible lives and are dedicated and faithful to their jobs, a good thing to be at a time when jobs are hard to come by.  Now that I see how they all turned out, I have no qualms that they will be fine for life. 

I am happy that I've reconnected with friends and relatives in my hometown.  After high school, I was pre-occupied with college then later on I focused on career, marriage and raising children that I haven't looked back.  Nowadays however, we are catching up and re-acquainting on Facebook.  Some are inviting me to their parties, old friends who now live abroad are visiting  and/or planning to meet up when they come home. 

This year I am excited that my younger daughter is spending Christmas with us along with her husband.  After she left to work abroad nine years ago; for one reason or another, she was unable to make it for Christmas. 

I can go on and on and this blog would be very long if I mention all my blessings this year; suffice it to say that there are a lot to be thankful for and that life is really wonderful.  

What about you, what are you thankful for?  


Saturday 6 December 2014

Remembering My Mama on Christmas

When Christmastime comes around every year, I can't help having mixed emotions; happy and sad at the same time since I remember my parents, especially my Mama; someone who is very loving, kind-hearted and selfless.  She always put us, her children before herself; she gives her all just to make us happy. 

It is during Christmastime that I remember her most because she plays the organ for the church choir.  I remember this clearly for she always tag me along during practice and during the mass that I memorized all the hymns, especially the Latin ones sung during the misa de gallo.  Again, my favorite is Pastores a Belen, sung in Spanish. 

But more than that, I also remember with longing how she made our home happy especially on Christmas.  She would tirelessly bake cakes, ( my favorite is the angel food cake);  cook the hanging dried leg of Chinese ham that boils for hours  and finishes it with sprinkled brown sugar and caramelize the top by pressing a blazing-hot steel butcher knife or steel ladle or turner on top.  I believe there was no torch then or maybe we just didn't have one. I also love her baked chicken-macaroni-Chinese sausage-tomato dish that tasted like heaven.  And her fruit salad is to die for!  She mixes raw egg yolks with nestle cream and some sugar to cans and cans of peaches and fruit cocktail. 

And that's not all, there were all the fruits: grapes, oranges and apples but the roasted chestnuts is my favorite.  Since my Papa love that so much as well, she buys a lot;  I remember gallons of chestnuts in reusable magnolia ice cream aluminum cans.  But the best is always served last, the big slab of torrones that she sliced into one-inch chunks that we had for desert and downed with muscatel.

We always had guests, even though we lived in my Papa's hometown, while my Mama came from Calixto Dico in Manila, still she made lots of friends, young and old, single and married.  They always come to our parties, and they had lots of fun, laughing and dancing till dawn.  She keeps the table filled with food and kept pouring drinks. 

But, let's go back to my Mama.  

Her passion is not really cooking, though she is excellent in that department, she loves reading.  When I was little, she subscribed to almost all the monthly women's magazine: Ladies Home Journal, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, Ladies Home Companion, Cosmopolitan, Harper's bazaar, House And Garden while my Papa had the Reader's Digest, Saturday Evening Post and Popular Mechanics.  Then there were also the weekly local magazines, Women's, Kislap and two others I can't recall.

Receiving these magazines from the postman (there were no local editions in the 50's), was like getting candy for my Papa and Mama.  The magazines are shipped and they came rolled in brown paper, and my papa would flatten it down by rolling it the opposite way.  

These magazines were just "appetizers" for they also read a lot of novels, their main menu.  I look back with sadness that they haven't lived today;  I would have gotten them both an iPad and downloaded lots and lots of ebooks for them. 

Later, when I was married, I would bring my Mama to the bookstore, aside from the restaurant where we went to eat,  that's all she wanted to go at the mall.  When I got my groceries, l left her at the bookstore to browse as long as she pleased.

One day, my nanny who had lots of friends in the village brought her to a neighbor's house with shelves and shelves of novels; she was so excited that when I got home from work she looked like she had just won the lottery:
"There are many shelves full of paperbacks and the owner said I can borrow as many and as long as I like, look what I got for a first batch", she told me showing about twenty books.  

When Christmas comes around every year, I really regret that my parents haven't lived longer, they passed away too soon, they were just in their early 60's.  It would have been my turn to prepare a sumptuous Christmas dinner for them.  It would have made me very happy to buy them all the books and magazines both ebooks or paperbacks alike.   Sad to say that I will never have that chance.   But they are always in my heart every Christmas and everyday of my life. 

"Merry Christmas Papa!, merry Christmas Mama!"

Thursday 4 December 2014

A Sneak Peek Into My Living Room



They say that "your home is you", but is this sea life motif really me?   Hardly!  I'm not a "fish in the water", I don't even know how to swim, that's why my husband and I seldom go to beach resorts.  The only thing I enjoy is walking barefoot on the sand and drinking cocktails by the beach or near the pool while reading a book. 

Because sea life is not me, I was at a loss earlier on how I was going to share this with you.  I thought I'd take my time since I needed to gather more inspiration. 

But hey! I recall now that my zodiac sign is "cancer", and surely, that may count for something, don't you think?  So I went ahead because this is my chance to showcase my blue-and-white ceramics as well as my seashells.  I've been attempting to do this for sometime now but I just couldn't figure out how; well, not until I saw a picture of both mixed together and voila! a light bulb clicked.
 "That's  it". 

This idea got me very excited that I immediately thought of doing a minor change in my living room.  At the same time, I was happy that I could finally use the starfish shells that my older daughter got me when her family vacationed in Shangrila, Mactan. 



After my initial draft, I felt self-conscious publishing it. 
"Mom, where's your blog on the star fish Christmas tree?",
my younger daughter; who looks out for my latest blog every weekend sent this iMessage.
"I changed my mind, publishing it feels like I'm bragging and it may not even be good enough, it may look mediocre to others", I replied.  She then messaged back: 
"Those who love you will appreciate it". 

This gave me a big boost, that I gathered enough courage to publish it.  However, if it is not what you expected; then just scroll quickly.  Do I sound like I'm lacking in self-confidence here?

This year, I thought I'd skip putting up my green garlands, my grape-vine blinkers, pine-cone wreaths, my brass Santa Claus sled, the glazed red and gold balls and silver-glittered Christmas ornaments; including the red tabletop merry-go-round and toy train that's supposed to go around the Christmas tree.  Instead I focused on the starfish, this being the "star" and the only thing that says: 

"It's Christmas!"

(This picture is copied from the Shangrila Resort and Spa advertisement)

So here it is,  come look!

There is light....



Nowadays there are a lot of very modern and interesting lighting fixtures to brighten up a room, but I still I like this antique-looking one with iridescent and opalescent Swarovski balls that scatter beams of sparkling brilliance around.  My husband thought it is nice to include it. 

My mantel: A curated clutter look.  





Every time I do an arrangement, I always  attempt to be minimalistic; heeding decorators who often say that "less is more".  The thing is, I tend to search for things around the house that I could incorporate in the mix so I often end up with "more is more".  But then an interior design expert said that "more is fabulous!".  So here I've done "so much more" again. 

The main event here is the pair of big shells on the floor, sandwiching the blue-and-white jar.  They came from my husband's ancestral home.  When my in-laws retired and went to live in Vancouver, my husband brought these two shells home. 
"When do you think your Mom got them?", I asked my husband. 
"I don't know, they were just there for as long as I remember", he replied. 


Since it's Christmas, I thought, I'd put my gifts along as well.


A Myriad of Stars


This bushida tree has ample little branches that hanging a lot of starfish is possible.  Again, my younger daughter said :
"I like the idea of the 'floating' starfish". You may wonder about the silvery-white "net" with tassels I put in to mimic a fishnet, I thought it added a nice touch. 

This is what my younger daughter saw when she said she likes the floating starfish. 

Picture perfect



This is my husband's corner. 
Someone said that: 
"a chair is only finished when someone sits on it".  
We love this wing chair, it is beautiful, well made, functional and worth every penny we paid for it.  When family and friends come visit, this is a favorite place to take a solo photo. 

Celadon passion



Most of my celadon collection are showcased here. I put grayish-silvery blue and Aqua throw pillows to mimic the silver sand and blue sky.  I see that they blend well with the celadon and they contrast with the brown leather couch. 

All's well with shell





Most people would put only a few things on their coffee table, perhaps at the most, they will put five, but for me again, there's more. I thought that this is also another place to put the blue-and-white vases with the shells again. 

Starfish obsession



This is a second coffee table which I placed right beside the bigger one. 

Serene green


This place has the best view of the house.  My husband likes to sit on one of these armchairs where he can see through the dining room and on towards our bedroom door. 

By the French Window


This sofa has the French window as its backdrop. Again, I added throw pillows to match the color of the sea and sky. Notice I did not put blue drapes as I intended earlier.  I feel that my alternate curtain looks like sand when hit by sunlight. 

Vibrantly orange


I love the vibrant colors of fall, and orange seems to be my color palate. I placed my orange vases here to match the large throw pillow as well as the two big oblong orange ornaments that hang on the dried twig, adorned with tiny orange flowers. This corner is an inviting place to sit alone. 

So, that's it folks. 
What do you think?  
Did I do justice to the sea life theme, even though it's not "really me"? 
Good or good, I'd appreciate your comments. 

I'm sure by now, most of us already adorned our homes with things we love; things that we feel comfortable and happy with.   Afterall, that's what makes a house a home.  


Merry Christmas everyone! 


Friday 31 October 2014

Trick Or Treat





Yesterday I exercised my heart to pump faster.  It's a good thing though, I even made the 10,000-steps-a-day my fitbit suggested among other things to reach a desired weight goal  by April.  

Want to know why?  I had to accompany my granddaughter trick or treating at the mall.  After getting the details of the trick or treat happening in the mall last night, I called my daughter to confirm our schedule the following day.
"Is my granddaughter ready for trick or treat?"
"She was ready three days ago", my daughter replied.
I laughed, "it's a good thing then, her Papa will get her at 8:30, we have to be early, we expect a big crowd and we still need to register", I said. 
"Ok, she will leave the house with costume on and by then she should be done with breakfast". 

I don't know why this tradition became very popular in our country in recent years. I guess it's the American influence again. In my childhood, we also celebrated Halloween by singing relevant songs (taught in school) going around from  house to house at night and they give us coins or rice cakes, but we had to sing.  Nowadays, the kids just knock on doors and say: "trick or treat", sometimes they don't even have to say anything, they just raise their pumpkin basket and they'll get candies. 

At exactly 10, we were among a big crowd at the mall, the place was even more colorful with all the children in their costumes.  After lining up to register, we followed the rest as they queue from one store to another.  It's a good thing that I requested my granddaughter's nanny to be with her as they queue while I took pictures. 




It was happening too fast, the children tried to beat  one another to get to every store before they run out of goodies.   I had to keep up as well; I didn't realize how children  can run fast without getting tired easily,  but at least I coped since I'm used to walking fast myself.  



After an hour and her big pumpkin basket half-full, we opted to have lunch.  We were all tired but happy. 


I guess my granddaughter says: "thank you" this way better than a thousand words.  

Next year again?   

Why not?

Thursday 23 October 2014

Are You Living Your Authentic Self?



I could have easily ignored this book from the pile if I didn't get a glimpse of the author, my idol, Dr. Phil McGraw.  I knew right away that it is worth reading it, "Self Matters"



He says that it is very important to live our true selves, otherwise it would be toxic to our own lives and unfair to our love ones as well.  Living our true selves make us better persons, better spouses and better parents.  

How to know if we are truly living the best of who we are?

Dr. Phil says:

"think to the time of your life when you have been your absolute happiest; 

the most fulfilled and especially the most real you have ever been, 

when your life flowed with energy and excitement; 

feeling a quiet calm, be it at work but it seemed like play; 

feeling like you're exactly where you should be, 

doing what you were meant to do;

You were having fun and didn't care what others thought;

No room for fear or anxiety or self-doubt

Every part of your life is in harmony with the others, 

Fully living in the moment with a sense of optimism, 

An expectation that tomorrow is going to be just as interesting and gratifying  as today;

Most importantly, you accepted yourself for who and what you are. "

Wow! That's a lot, right?  Does it sound too perfect for you?  And you want to know if that is even possible?  Sounds like heaven to me. 

But who are we to question an expert, such as Dr. Phil, who counsels such big and famous personalities; besides, who are we to argue when most of the examples he wrote were from his own personal experiences from childhood to where he is today to drive his point?  In fact, his examples are factual; Ophra Winfrey even shared one of her defining moments when she was in 3rd grade. 

When I started reading this, my first thought was to examine myself; I guess that was the point buying this book in the first place.  All my life, and especially now that I am no longer employed and practically own my time, I'm in constant quest for ideas to improve my quality of life. I don't mean fame and fortune; far from it, all I want is to be healthy, happy and fulfilled. 

Further into the book, I learned that upon birth, we have a clean slate of self concept.  Our life experiences, most especially what we clearly remember and what we believe important, impact our self concept, good or bad depending on how we thought about them.  

"our self-concept were determined by only ten defining moments, seven critical choices and five pivotal people have provided positive input to our self-concept; while other defining moments, critical choices, and pivotal people have poisoned authenticity and distorted how we see ourselves", wrote Dr. Phil. 

As I look back,  I am faced with a lot of "what if's" regards the choices and decisions I made.  I know that they are now "water under the bridge";  but it doesn't mean that I can't do anything about some of them anymore, right? 

Now I recall while I was in my fourth year high school,  an aunt-in-law, a chemist, who worked abroad and apparently very successful visited us, Then and there, I decided I wanted to be like her. Later on however, while  pursuing chemistry, I had a lot of frustrations, I also didn't like long hours doing the laboratory experiments.  However, I must have been too proud to admit that I made a wrong choice and I didn't want to disappoint my parents.  When I got the diploma I didn't feel like laboring myself daily in a laboratory, constantly wearing a lab gown, so I didn't bother pursuing the profession. 

Eventually, I found myself an administrative position; and part of my responsibility was managing a school plant; however challenging it was, a thankless job as they say, I liked being in charge and easily embraced a management position thereafter. 

Then there's my husband, a licensed Chemical Engineer who first worked as a quality control supervisor right after college. Obviously he was not happy working in the manufacturing plant; nor he believed he can be happy doing a desk job all day.  He found soon enough that he wanted to be out there in the field so he looked for a marketing job.   

When ESSO hired him, he found his true calling.  He really like selling so much that one annual vacation, when I can't take time off from work to enjoy it with him, he sold home appliances on the side.  Let me tell you, he is really good at this, he can sell almost anything; once he even helped a friend sell his inter-island passenger vessel.

As I read further into the book, Dr. Phil wrote:
"..this is not an all or nothing proposition, there maybe something that you wish you could add to an otherwise great life...."

Now I'm beginning to understand why I even opened a convenience store and my husband easily agreed.  He knew I enjoy having a shop, so I run it even while I was employed.  He knew that it is just a "hobby" and I only make coffee money out of it.  But then again, I am fulfilling one of my passions. Now that I am retired it is also an "escape" when I feel too much confined at home.

When I was working, I thought that my life won't be interesting anymore after I retire, that I'd get bored staying at home;  but I was wrong.  Now I am as busy as ever, yet I feel good doing what I like.  In fact, I feel more "alive" today than in any other time in my life; there is that constant adrenaline flowing, I'm always interested to learn new things, so many things to discover and I feel like there are more good times ahead. 

What do you think, am I now more connected to my authentic self, and truly living who I really am?

Having said that however, there are still things I like to do; like getting a piece of land to start my herb garden, plant and sell some ornamentals; maybe buy and sell old furnitures and fixtures; organize a shop to craft articles from wood scrap and even add a snack bar into the mix. 

More than that, I'd like to write my biography, write a book and perhaps publish it, oh, my list is a long one. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to accomplish some of these before the curtain falls?

I know that I just scratched the surface of this subject but I'm sure you get the idea. So if you are not feeling like any or all of the situations I quoted at the start, then maybe you need some soul searching.  

Finally, Dr. Phil wrote:
"what matters is that you commit to finding and reconnecting to your authentic self; rewrite your personal truth  and live a life that lets you be who you are; if you don't do that, no one will".

"A racehorse has to run, a bird has to fly, an artist has to paint, a teacher has to teach. There is something in you that you have to do".