This Guy, SAM

Sam is my Facebook friend, he requested to be my friend as his way of reaching out to us since my husband don't do Facebook.  Earlier in July, my husband asked me to jokingly invite him to my 70th birthday party though we knew that he is not in town. 

He replied: "sorry ma'am but I'll only be there in early August". 

Sam came by yesterday like he usually does whenever he is in town very year.  We went out to lunch as usual and I left them to hangout at Starbucks afterwards. He always devote a day of his vacation to catch up with my husband.

Sam and my husband

Sam works in Dubai as a contracts Engineer of a major Australian construction company, a coveted position where he negotiates projects with sub-constructors.  

Sam was the farm engineer when my husband developed and managed a school farm early on.  I recall when I interviewed him, I immediately found him quite likable; he had the work experience needed for the job so I didn't hesitate to hire him right after the first interview.   I learned that he already worked abroad but came home to be with his wife to start a family. 

Sam's wife, Analyn

I made it definitely clear to him that we couldn't match his previous salary when I explained his compensation package and he understood; however, he asked me if I could make the offer a bit higher;

"You see, I need a little more since I'm paying house amortization", he told me.  I looked at him and thought for a moment.  I was bent in keeping the compensation range for a new hire but I found myself debating in my mind that we are badly in need of a farm engineer and this guy seems to be the right fit; he is also very professional and matured.  Moreover he lives in that side of town close to the farm which is also a plus.  Definitely we want a guy like him since the farm is about 4 hours (if traffic is light) from the main headquarters, and supervision will be minimal.

Finally I said:   

"Ok, I'll give you one level higher", and we shook hands. 

Around that time, my husband was recovering from "work-burn",  (having managed three companies simultaneously for quite a long time).   So I encouraged him to apply for farm manager even though the compensation was not what he was used to; I thought it would be good for his health to be outdoors so he can take in a lot of sunshine and fresh air.  

When my husband eventually came in to jumpstart the development of the farm, he found Sam easy to work with.   He is a very receptive and dedicated worker, he took his responsibility seriously and he took to heart every method and formula my husband applied to their work.  

They worked together for almost two years, and when my husband finally made the farm operational, having established the roads and infra-structure; (he even made it fit for kids' campsite), he felt that his job is done since he is not an agriculturist after all.   Eventually, Sam also resigned.  In his exit interview he was very adamant in expressing the help and training he learned from my husband, his mentor. 

After about two years working in the Middle East, he came back home and visited us for the first time.  He was very grateful to my husband who taught him the ropes; needless to say that he applied everything he learned from my husband, using the  complicated project spreadsheets and graphs.  While relating his experiences, he detailed which formula worked best that gained him a lot of respect from his foreign bosses.  

Oh yes, I should mention here that he got his wish to have a child.  They were blessed with a baby boy who is now almost 7. 

Sam and his son, Santi 

Every year thereafter, whenever he is in town, he never fails to come by, somehow he has become very close, just like family and we also look forward to his visits.  Besides, I enjoy the chocolate concoctions and dates he brings all the time.  But most of all it makes us so happy to know how far he has arrived. 

Thanks for the love and greetings

I was not about to make a big deal about my birthday but I was challenged by Wattpad when they greeted me:

"We hope you have the kind of birthday that is worth writing about, share your birthday story with us".

Besides, I was deluged with beautiful thoughts, great birthday well wishes and wonderful greetings on Facebook and Messenger.  In a way, I hope this will also serve to thank everyone who made it one of the most unforgettable and enjoyable birthdays ever!

It's great to be 70!

Photo from 123RF stock photo. Copywriter:Robyn Mackensie

I had a wonderful birthday celebration two weeks ago.  It started on my actual birthday, a Wednesday, when my older daughter treated my husband and I to a breakfast buffet in one of the popular hotels in town.  It was just the three of us since her husband and daughter were at work and school respectively; and my son and younger daughter had not yet arrived from abroad.  For everyone's convenience we scheduled my birthday party on the weekend. 

I remember my brother's text greeting while we were having breakfast. 

"Happy birthday, what's to drink at your party?", he asked.

Tease him, text back "bottomless ice tea", my daughter prodded.

"that's not healthy for me, too much sugar", he replied.

"Sugar free green tea, it will lower your cholesterol", my husband suggested.

"That's expensive, there are other drinks"

"But because you are my favorite brother, I'll bring wine", my husband further prodded, 

"Now you're talking", he replied happily. 

My two daughters have been asking me what gift I wanted. I couldn't think of anything, really.  Then my younger daughter would message me almost everyday, "do you like this or do you prefer that?", her suggestions were endless. 

They were so determined to ask, lest they will get something that I may not need nor want.  Finally I said, I'm thorn between a heavy duty mixer and chopper; mine was just a hand mixer (that now easily heats up) bought 20 years ago along with the chopper while my blender was bought by my husband in 1976.  Except for the chopper, both are still working though.   

After searching on line, she got me a multi-function blender-chopper-mixer; it is a complicated Bruan multi-quick 7 kitchen machine that mixes, blends and chops with so many variations; it is so over-whelmingly complicated, what with the numerous pieces, but a pleasure to use since it can do just anything; though I cringed when I learned how much it cost her.  

But then if I didn't tell them, I'm sure they will get gifts anyway; so when my older daughter also asked me again, I just told her to get me a dress, yes, just a dress, for I really didn't want them to spend so much.  I am happy with token gifts;  but she outdid herself and got me four dresses, yes, four!  My son didn't ask,  he told me that they will give us a trip to Singapore, we haven't been there this year so it's a welcome treat to see them again especially our fast-growing grandson. 

On the night of my birthday our younger daughter and her husband arrived and we had a dinner get-together at home along with my older daughter's family.  Then shopping and lunch out the next day.   

On Friday, the family celebrations continued as my son, who also just arrived joined us for dinner as well.  It is a rare occasion for all my children to be in one place at the same time,  what with the miles separating us and life being so hectic nowadays; but they had given priority to this celebration, they planned to be home months earlier. 

Many say that 70 is one the most celebrated birthdays, a good reason to party with family and friends.  My birthday party gave me a great head start on my 8th decade of life,  I am especially happy to have celebrated this milestone in the loving company of the closest and the dearest.

My younger daughter asked me one night how it feels to be 70,  (when she is in town, we stay up late to catch up even after everybody turned in for the night); offhand I was caught unaware but then I said: 

"I feel the same like when I was 17 though my priorities have changed".   Pondering deeper though, there's still that love for adventure and the eagerness and openness to learn new things.  While I love to spend time with family most of all, I still enjoy attending parties with relatives and friends.  Dark, noisy bars and loud music is no longer appealing, meeting up with friends, for quiet afternoons over coffee or nights over dinner along with pleasant conversation is more my thing nowadays. 

In this day and age when people are quick to judge, some are pressured to have it all and do it all.  But I'm not in that contest, God may not have granted yet my entire bucket list, but I got everything I needed.  Most of all, I am blessed many times over for having the best that I could ever have; that is:  my three beautiful children, two adorable grandchildren, two likable and sensible sons-in-law, a wonderful daughter-in-law and one amazing husband. What more can I ask for? 

Someone said that when you hit 70 with a clean bill of health, it could be the start of the best years of your life.  While I look forward to that, I pledge to live by the words of Sai Baba:

"Life is a song- sing it;  life is a game- play it;

Life is a challenge- meet it; life is a dream- realize it; 

Life is a sacrifice- offer it; Life is love- enjoy it".

And I add: "life is a gift- claim it and own it". 

Getting Settled In Our New Home

The story behind how we settled into our new home has more twists and turns than a bumpy farm road.  This telling reveals how our love for home breeds perseverance and passion. 

When the movers brought down our belongings from the truck two months ago, I didn't have the slightest idea how to arrange things, except that the beds belong to the bedrooms and our leather couches in the living room. The greatest challenge though was where to put the  furniture and fixtures in places that would be a good fit for the space.

The very firsts to be installed were the refrigerators(we have two), the gas range and window air conditioners, at least we could live with just that for awhile.  Some lighting fixtures like the chandeliers had to wait for the electrician since my husband abhors exposed electric wires. 

As the days progressed into weeks we were slowly getting used to the look of every room.  I can now navigate in the dark from the kitchen to our bedroom without bumping into anything.  Some paintings and picture frames are up but we are being discriminate about the rest; (we have a lot) since we do not want our home to turn into a "gallery".   

In doing all these, we had to consult each other; which ones would go into which room, which wall and how to arrange them.  As a team, we worked shoulder to shoulder; when there were differences of opinion, compromise was the magic word.  Our guiding rule was "the wise bamboo", as the Japanese call it; we learned to bend so we didn't break.  I believe that our maturity and flexibility got us through.   I know that when couples are not careful, such issues would cause a rift.   

We needed a desk and a file cabinet since the desks and drawers in the former house were all built-ins.  It took us sometime to attend to that; for a while the home office looked like a dumping room.   Finally I told my husband: "if we don't get a desk and a file cabinet soon,  I can't fix that room"

It helped that the drapes we have are quite new and fitted the windows just fine, especially that they come in cream and beige.  It took time for them to be put up though, since we waited for the handyman to drill in the rods. 

Having placed the basic furniture inside the house, we had one dilemma, "where to put the piano"?  Definitely it wouldn't fit anymore inside the house.  Inspired by the "tiny house" that is becoming very popular nowadays, my husband had a storage/tool shed built behind the house.  To our great relief however, our older daughter finally decided to get the piano after all; we were worried earlier that it may just warp in storage.   We still needed the storage though, for the other things we want to keep, including the rest of the items deserving a second sorting pass. 

So what's next?

We felt that the outdoors deserve some attention as well to make it a part of the living area.  Unlike decades earlier, the yard is getting much attention nowadays; most homes develop the garden as part of the living area, it is being treated, furnished and decorated like the interiors.

Presently, the area surrounding our house is a work in progress.  We are so looking forward to a weekly barbecue.  Entertaining friends and family seems more fun if we do it outdoors, it is less fuzzy since I don't have to set the formal dining table with my best china, crystal and silverware. 

While the contractor puts up the outdoor kitchen, complete with stove, a griller, working counter and storage shelves for cooking paraphernalia, the garden is being spruced up simultaneously.   My husband's herbs are thriving well and I can now use them for cooking, he has rosemary, tarragon, oregano, mint, basil, ginger and pandan.  He intends to add other leafy veggies soon.  Last week, I just trimmed a bunch of basil for my granddaughter's tomato-herb pasta and now there's a lot to be used again. 

I bought a kamias plant (bilimbi fruit) about a meter tall since I love to use the fruits for fish broth; I also got a dwarfed guapple (guava-Apple hybrid) to incorporate in the backyard. 

"Where in the world are you gonna plant those?", my husband asked. 

"You said you'll remove two big ornamental bushes, so we can put those in their place", I replied.  

I'd rather have fruit bearing small trees than ornamentals. I'm sure our grandchildren will love to climb the tree reaching for fruits as I did when I was a kid. 

In a month, this cozy outdoor living-dining-kitchen in the garden would be complete.   Creating that space would fulfill our need to sit and enjoy coffee outdoors, breathe in fresh air, reflect, even meditate, write my blog, read a book too and entertain; I tell you, it would really be a full outdoor experience.  

Feeling new energy around our new home

Last Sunday morning, my husband woke up with a new sense of energy.   He asked: 

"Are you apt to broiling milkfish (a common delicacy in this part of the world), some marinated pork belly and invite over our older daughter, her husband and daughter for lunch?".

Automatically, I replied: 

"yes",

not only because I was feeling more energetic as well but our older daughter has been missing charcoal-broiled milkfish. Besides she has been very helpful lately, facilitating our adjustment to this new environment and their company would make our Sunday special.   So right after the 6 o'clock morning mass, we were off to the local market to get lunch ingredients.  

Driving back home from the market, my husband asked me:

"Do you feel the lightness that comes with our moving to this place?  I feel at ease in this place; almost everything we need are within easy reach, 

you want to eat out, the eateries are practically around the corner; 

the market and grocery are very accessible, you go anytime of day and you can get what you want;

several masses are said to suit our convenience on Sundays, what's more the church is air conditioned;

walking around our streets is pleasant, safe and no stray dogs around.  

Do you feel that lightness as well?".

"I do", I was thinking that finally we are practically settled in this new home. Familiar things are put in place, picture frames of the family are up, favorite items found their convenient places, our major furniture seem to have been made for the place, we can now comfortably lounge on the living room couches and the grandfather clock does its work again, striking the quarterly hours.  So yes, now we can finally call this "home".  

Rewind two months earlier......

As soon as our personal effects were put in place, my husband and I decided to stay in our new home.  

"Mom, are you staying there tonight?  What about dinner?", my older daughter called. 

"We like tuna, we have several cans in our pantry", I replied.  She brought us roast chicken, I think she couldn't bear that our first dinner is from a can.  You know what?  It was the most delicious roast chicken ever?  Honestly, it was so good and just the right size and maybe we felt so blessed which added to our enjoyment. 

We had our phone working and Internet connection just a day after, thanks again to my older daughter's persistence in following up the service provider company including that of cable TV who called that they were ready to transfer our connection. 

During our early days here, our older daughter was often around or on the phone almost every hour, asking, giving, helping, she thought of a lot of things: three containers of purified drinking water were delivered immediately;  she often brought us food she prepared herself.  She helped me locate the nearest supermarket and accompanied me to get our immediate needs.   She sought the schedule of masses in the nearby church and telephone numbers of the gate security.  Oh, that was quite a load lifted off my shoulders as I was busy fixing the house.  Now that we're settled, she continues to call; she occasionally invites us out to breakfast; when at the mall, she would ask whether I needed something.  

Our son too, would call from abroad where he lives with his wife and son to check how we're getting along.   He gives advise not from personal opinions but scenarios that would make us  think so we  come to our own decisions.  

He emails pictures of our grandson weekly  and FaceTime  with him gives us the greatest joy for we see his progress: his first steps, his new shoes,  learning to walk in the park, sipping from a straw, now he dismantles (assembled by his nanny) Lego parts and throws the pieces in a basket, ohh!!, just seeing his new tricks takes our aches away.

Not to be outdone, our younger daughter, who also lives abroad with her husband,  would get in touch almost every night.  Initially we would chat on iMessage, then we progress to FaceTime, (this is where her husband would say, hi!).   She always like to know what we're doing, how we're feeling, what's the progress in fixing the house; puts in some suggestions. Looking back, I saw her role in trying to make us relax, a way of saying that "everything will work out fine" while she reiterates that we are not to hesitate to ask for help in whatever way.

While we continue fixing the house, trying to figure out where to put our stuff, our other son-in-law shows much interest in our progress.  Whenever they come over, he'll look for what's new in every nook, what frames were put up, where we put items of interest, looking at everything in silent appreciation.  My granddaughter too, took so much fancy on the "tiny house", something very popular on TV nowadays.

"wow, papa, I couldn't believe you had a tiny house built", 

she said (we had it built as a tool/storage shed), 

All throughout this journey of moving and settling down, our children were there, helping us in every which way they felt is best for us.  What more would we ask for?  

This morning I heard the CD player blowing:  

"I believe in mu-u-sic, I believe in----love".   

For the first time my husband turned on the CD player.  Care to know what the next song was?

" you--- light up my life --- you give me hope---to carry on...."

Very soon, I know that he'll be turning on the videoke and the house will be filled with his modulated voice again. 

So yes!   We're finally "back on track". 

Now I'll be looking forward to celebrating my 70th birthday next week with a light heart in the loving company of the dearest and the closest.

Reflections At 70

Picture from 123RF stock photo. Copywriter - Robyn Mackenzie

Not everyone is blessed to live up to 70; I can't believe I'm one of the lucky few to have made it to my eighth decade of life. Time really goes by and if I open my memory playlist, memories dance in my mind; my triumphs and disappointments, good times and bad, challenges I had overcome; experiences that are wonderful and sweet, horrible and painful.  Along with regrets is a resolve to make things better, thankful as well that by God's grace, I still have time left.

But I know one thing, time is running out, I am aware that our lives hang on a thread that easily breaks and any moment maybe our last.  Just yesterday, I got dizzy sorting my glassware.  It became more complicated when I took a tablet on an empty stomach.  This reminded me that life can be tricky and that I can't be sure how much time I have left to spend with my husband, my children and grandchildren; something I just couldn't get enough of.  

Why do I feel that the days are shorter and time passes like a breeze.  So, when I blow the candle on my birthday cake this month, my wish is to be given more time.  Hopefully with luck I'll remain put together for a few more years to live and do my undertakings well.

As I focus on my memory playlist,  I feel blessed that most of my bucket list have come true; and maybe I shouldn't ask for more.  Yet--- why do I feel like I still have 70 things I want to do; there is that unreachable bar I need to reach, new opportunities and experiences to embrace.  Shouldn't life be like that;  a continuous journey full of interesting activities to fulfill our passions?  As Oprah said:

"Passion is energy, feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you."

I recall one conversation I had with my son when I turned sixty; I was at the lowest point in my life then.  On one of our afternoon walks just around the neighborhood of his condo in Singapore, he said that I am blessed with a good life, I had my share of travel and great experiences professionally and personally.  Maybe he meant that I should be content since I've "been there, done all that"; therefore I should be happy, right?  Ohh ---- that I am!

But then, I felt that my life should not end there. 

Now, ten years after that talk, I feel like I just couldn't float along the waves of life, I choose to stay in the game.  I am always hopeful that anytime soon, I'll find a spark of knowledge or experience that will enhance my passions, my talents or abilities to do something that would make me excited.  For me that's what living is all about, not just existing; for what is a life without something to look forward to; whatever that is; I know it varies at different stages of life. 

Was it only last month when my husband showed me the veggie seeds he bought:

"Look, I got mustard and cabbage seeds that I intend to sow on my pocket garden", he said;  

He meant that he has something to nurture along with his ornamentals,  a reason to get up in the morning to check how they are growing.

That's exactly what I mean, no matter our age, we can still embark on activities we are passionate about; something that gives us fulfillment and makes us forget time; let's not wait for things to happen; let's make things happen.   If we must, then let's live outside of the box, outside of normal if that is what it takes to live the life of our dreams.  As Brian Tracy says: 

"let's do the unusual thing, we must be willing to go out of our comfort zone and not feel awkward and uncomfortable in trying something new".

Now I recall one popular post on facebook about a man who went to have his phone checked.

"Your phone is working fine", the technician told him. 

"But why doesn't my children ever call?", he asked. 

Early on, my husband and I came to terms in dealing with this situation; though we love to be with our children often, we have our own hobbies, and pre-occupation to keep us going.  When our children are around, we drop everything to make the most of the opportunity.  

So to this man (whose phone doesn't ring), I can only say to "get a life"; do something to while away time, find something of interest and develop it as a hobby.  Here's an advise from one of the blogs at 70candles.com:  "live your life and make it a verb everyday".

It is unfortunate how life plays with us and we never know what is next.  How will my next chapter; at least, the next ten years play out, what's more, how will it end?  I know it's all up to The Almighty for He plans everything. 

Someone said that: 

"the success of a race isn't determined by how you start but how you finish. It's the second half that counts".   

To make better the remainder of my second half, I'd like to hid Dr. Plaster when he asked in his book: "The 100-year Lifestyle": 

"Are you hibernating or are you ready for your next big thing?"

He says that choosing the next big thing will bring incredible passion back into one's life. He mentions Helen Pavlov as an example, who at the age of 94 was able to write and publish a book. 

And what Bruce Lee said to his friend, John Little during a training run is also something to think about:  --- If you stop at your limits:

"…you might as well be dead. Seriously, if you always put limits on what you can do, physical or anything else, it’ll spread over into the rest of your life. It’ll spread into your work, into your morality, into your entire being. There are no limits. There are plateaus, but you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. If it kills you, it kills you. A man must constantly exceed his level.” --- Bruce Lee

At this stage however, I won't try to exceed my physical limits but plateaus won't discourage me to pursue my endeavors.  For now I will be on the lookout for that spark of an idea or that adrenaline-filled experience that will lead me to my next big thing.  After all they all say that 70 is a vibrant age if one has a good state of health and especially a good state of mind.  Therefore I shall look forward to conquering any challenge that will make my remaining days more amazing than they had ever been. 

Looking forward to new beginnings! (A struggle to move on)

There was no flash of light to signal that this would change our lives forever.   We left our home for reasons I cannot divulge momentarily, suffice to say that circumstances (at least to us) are no longer conducive to a healthy and peaceful life. 

I thought all along that we will stay forever in our home of 38 years; I also did not expect that we will leave it without much hesitation, without blinking our eyes.  We made up our minds upon the advice of our children. 

I learned soon enough that moving means giving up a lot of things no matter how big the new place is; somehow it's an opportunity to discard things no longer in use for quite sometime, a good reason to declutter.   

When I started sorting our belongings, I realized how much we have accumulated in all these 46 years.  (incidentally,  that day was our 46th wedding anniversary).  As my husband greeted me with a kiss and a hug that morning, he said:

"What a way to spend our anniversary!".

My thoughts were divided though.  While I was sad to leave familiar things and surroundings behind; I tried to be strong so I leaned on the thought that it would also be exciting to venture into something new and feel the relief in leaving behind the baggage of a life that has been.  But I was wrong when I thought it would be easy for me.  

When I started to pack our necessities, and a few change of clothes to last us a few days until the movers come, I felt like it was tearing our lives apart.  I was a walking zombie as I disassembled our lives and compartmentalized them in boxes. I couldn't believe we're doing this, I was hurting and nothing felt right. 

Then I tackled the albums.  I am a sentimental person when it comes to pictures, letters and other mementos. Going through two big shoe boxes of old greeting cards (I saved before the advent of the digital age) trying to sort which ones to keep, I could hardly discard any of them.  I know they are just --cards, but on them were the special thoughts, expressions of love and affection from family, it's like throwing away a part of them.  

Our children kept calling, doing everything to console us;  in their own individual way they reassured us that they are always there for us and that things have a way of working themselves out; still I had a feeling that things will get worst before they get better. 

As I read some notes on one and more cards, my eyes were wet.  When my son called asking how we were getting along with the packing, I couldn't speak for a while. I cried when I told him that I can't let go of any of them.  Afterwards, my younger daughter said:

"Mom, there are just two shoe boxes, how much space do you need to store them?  I'd say, save both". 

Then the movers came hauling the furniture out of the house; life like I used to know is slowly being dismantled all around me. When the truck was loaded to full capacity, I closed my eyes, I didn't know if I would ever stay in this house again.  I'm thinking that a part of our lives is over.  Emotions hit me; disbelief and sadness threatened to consume me as I struggled to breathe and made sense of the unfathomable. 

But I didn't have much time to dwell on it when my sensible self told me to do this quick since I was in the middle of a chaos that used to be our house.

I'm not good at leaving or saying goodbye, I'm always teary-eyed doing this to a person, a job, a place or to things I've grown to love; that's why to leave our home of 38 years tears my heart apart.  

Recently, while my husband and I hang out at Starbucks;  I was still feeling sorry for myself, sad and probably moving on autopilot; I read from a magazine (I can't even remember which one),  that: 

"to be able to open up and take in new things, I have to say goodbye to something even though it's quite a struggle". 

As we now struggle to make sense of all the emotions that threaten to surface, while we gather enough courage to keep them at bay, I know that we can not afford to wallow in self pity for now (since that will only mar our effort to think straight) if we want to put back our lives to a semblance of normal again. To console myself and to keep me afloat, I have to believe that 

“When God closes a door, he opens a window, but it's up to you to find it.”

― Jeannette Walls

I'll keep my fingers crossed in the hope that something good is just around the corner waiting for us. 

Since I'm not good at goodbyes, I'll just say to our home: "I'll see you again".

And to our new home, (at least for now), Let me borrow the words of Robert Browning:

"grow old along with us, the best is yet to be".

Learning To Forgive

This topic did not just come out of the blue.  I am reading Dr Phil, my idol's book, entitled:

Life Strategies

(Doing what works;  doing what matters)

One of the life laws he discussed that struck me is "the power of forgiveness"

Are you the type to "forgive and forget" easily; or are you one who holds grudges and remain angry until you are vindicated?   If you are the former, I believe you are blessed with a better frame of mind and most likely in much better health.  

Why?

I don't exactly remember how I got this idea, I think I read it somewhere that with just a single negative thought that travels from the brain to any part of the body, lodges on an organ creates havoc and causes illness.

I surmise that Dr Phil validates the idea when he wrote: 

"For every thought or feeling, there is a physiological reaction.

When you harbor hatred, anger and resentment, your body's chemical balance is dramatically disrupted.  It means that these emotions are absolutely incompatible with your peace, joy and relaxation."

Furthermore, he explains that when the body is physiologically imbalance, it may cause sleep disturbance, nightmares or fatigue thus developing tension headaches, migraine, ulcers and sometimes to a great consequence cause heart attack.  

"But this person hurt me, I can't just let him do that to me.", you say; I'd say, "let it go".  Why give this person the power to make you feel bad?    Why give him that pleasure?  Besides, isn't it often said that we can't control other people's actions, but we can control our reaction?  In fact, we can choose our reaction. 

I'm sure that all of us got hurt one or more times, at different degrees, and for some, maybe a lot more times, no one is spared, and surely not me.  

As I recall, I also got hurt so bad in more ways than one that I can't even write it here. Human that I am, I felt hurt, offended and angry, I felt like I wanted to hurt back.  But I learned that forgiveness is the solution to these negative feelings. 

Of course, it's not very easy to forgive especially in the face of very strong emotions like hurt, anger and retaliation.  Eileen Barker, a lawyer-mediator, in one of her blogs wrote that "forgiveness seems to be the last thing you would consider when you are upset". 

But she says in so many words that forgiveness is for your own benefit; the other person need not know that you have forgiven.  It also doesn't mean that you condone the bad behavior and forget what happened, but forgiveness helps release difficult emotions including blame, anger and grief without denying or minimizing your feelings. 

So, how long are you going to nurture your anger?, Barker asks.  How much suffering is enough? Who is your anger hurting?  

For everyone out there, if you are still harboring anger and still want vindication, I say that it is best to forgive and set yourself free and have emotional closure.

According to Dr Phil, if you don't do that, you will live in anger and frustration, not only will you continue to pay the price for the rest of your life but your spouse and children as well because you will be unconsciously angry at everyone and everything. 

I agree with Eileen Barker when she said that 

"the best revenge is a happy life". 

 And she quoted Oscar Wilde who said:

"Always forgive your enemies.  Nothing infuriates them so".