IS THIS ALL THERE IS TO MY LIFE?

I know someone who was feeling frustrated with his life.  He seem unable to find meaning and purpose in his life.  I guess this came about because his partner, who is a few years younger asked him if "this is it for them".  

She may be referring to their uneventful day to day lives with no hope to better it.  Apparently he is disturbed that his partner feels unhappy  and he feels helpless that he can't do anything about it.  I can understand his concern; don't they always say that "happy wife, happy life"?

This is a testament that in life's  passages,  no matter what stage we are in; retired or otherwise, we at one point in our lives may feel lost or get stuck.  For those of us who had a career and retired, we feel this way when the euphoria of freedom from the corporate world and  the "on vacation" mode wears out.  

Retirement experts call this the stage of disillusionment.  It is when we realize that we did not make it big in our career, that we did not become rich or popular; that we can't have the life we have been dreaming of, and now it's too late because we ran out of time. 

It is also the time when we are no longer happy with what's happening or what's not happening to our lives;  we feel dissatisfied, unfulfilled and yes, disillusioned. 

I recall a time in our lives when at some point, we too may have experienced this stage in a subtle way.  Early on Jim, my husband was gainfully employed in one of the leading oil companys.  After twenty years he resigned and developed a business with a partner.   After a few years this business folded up leaving him with nothing to do. 

I wasn't retired then so he was left on his own devices at home.  Well, to be fair, he wasn't moping or complaining but I knew he was bored.  Apparently, watching tv, reading books, playing golf and trading in the stock market was not enough. 

During that time, my office bought a sizable piece of land they wanted to develop as a model farm-hotel school.  They want to train students to grow veggies, learn to cook their produce and serve them in a hotel setting. 

I suggested he take the post, though it was something totally different from the career he knew.  The land was located about an hour from the metro in a tourist vacation city.  The climate is cool and invigorating, ideal to be outdoors, taking in fresh air and sunshine while directing workers.  In short, he applied and got the job as Farm and Business Development Manager. 

Notice how Jim was able to reinvent his life, though it was a bit easy because the opportunity presented itself; still it was not along his line of expertise.  Jim is a Chemical Engineer and his career has always been in marketing, nevertheless he took it as a challenge and turned it into an adventure. 

Retirement is an entirely new life and we should understand that our life will change, one way or the other. The key here is adaptability and openness to embrace what's new. 

We cannot avoid change, in life the only permanent thing is change so this should not surprise us.  Retirement planners often ask:  "what do you plan to do when you retire?". 

At that point before retirement, we are very optimistic, eager to unburden ourselves with our job responsibilities. But I'll say it again, that the feeling of freedom and the thrill of being on vacation will wear out sooner than we expect.  

Others may not be as lucky as Jim in this regard.  And so we need to work on ourselves.  Shall we look deep in our hearts and try to find new purpose to our existence, a new significance, a new opportunity, or a cause to defend or fight for? 

Let us ask ourselves where or how do we find  contentment. Are we looking for a chance to earn so we can add to our retirement money?  What will define the purpose of our day? Maybe it is good to change gears, look outside the box in order to discover our new adventure. 

WHY AM I CLUMSY TODAY?

Why is it that there are days when I couldn't get it together?  I drop almost everything that I am holding.  I can't understand why.  Am I just having bad days?  

I was sautéing veggies when the pan slid off a bit, I tried to put it back in the right position but it fell out of my grip.  There went our dinner!

Another time, when I was frying something, I used one hand to hold the pan in place while the other was holding the turner.  Again the pan slid off and I couldn't hold the heavy cast iron pan tight enough that it fell off.  Though I was quick to get out of the way when it fell on the floor, off the sputtering hot oil, the handle broke off and I couldn't use the pan again. 

In recent years, I feel my grip is not as strong as it used to be. I cannot open a bottle of jam that has been opened and closed many times.  I am bothered that the last person who covered it must have tightened it so much.  This irritates me. 

Whenever I turn the knob of our bedroom door, it takes me twice or three tries before I can open it with great effort. When I tie fancy string on gift tags, it takes me awhile to do it.  I used to have good dexterity.  What's happening to me?  Am I too old to do such things?  Or am I just so clumsy? 

I also observed that making a tight fist requires such an effort in recent months unless I hold a stress ball. 

Because of the above incidents, I always maintained a conscious effort to grasp things tightly so they won't fall off my grip.  I do this while pouring hot water to my tea and when pouring ice water to my glass or moving a vase from one place to another.  

When putting big serving dishes of food on the table, I now use both hands while holding the edges tightly.  Same goes when I put in or remove baking dishes from the oven. 

But it came to a point that wondering about this dropping incidents is no longer enough.  I had to get an answer.  After some research, I learned that it is common for older people to lose part of their sense of grip.  As we grow older, the fingers lose some of their sensitivity, some say it may be due to the decrease in blood flow to the nerve endings and it takes time for the brain to transmit. 

Furthermore, medical experts say that there is nothing serious to worry about if our grip is loose and we  keep dropping things.  However when this happens progressively, medical experts say that there maybe underlying conditions.  It is best then to have it checked especially when we experience additional symptoms.  

Other reasons presented by experts that may cause hand weakness is arthritis since  pain and swelling makes it difficult to grasp things.  Or tendonitis when part of the muscles tear, and we experience pain and swelling as well.  Doing repetitive motions like typing or using a tennis racquet may also cause pain when we grasp objects. 

Now I understand that I'm not the only one who drop things occasionally.   All things said, it is always good for us to get a good grip on things literally or otherwise. 

RETIREMENT FACTS TO CONTEND WITH FOR A HAPPY LIFE

Many retirees say that they had the most trying times on their first year of retirement.  Well, I can believe that, after all this is a big transition, just like our first few days in kindergarten when we don't know anyone and finding a friend or two seem elusive or after college when we look for a job and face the big wide world. 

Not knowing what to do is one of the major challenges of newly retired individuals.  Some have no agenda except to travel a bit, play golf, garden, fix the house, etc.;  but eventually they find that those are not enough.  Soon they are reluctant to get up in the morning because they have nothing to do and nowhere to go. 

After retirement, most of us suddenly feel alone.  Our friends from work now seem to belong to another world.  Those with whom we have established a relationship will remain as friends but we lose the others because our only connection is work, moreover we no longer have the influence nor the personality.   

When I needed someone to do odd jobs at home, I asked the office handyman to do the job on his day off and I give extra pay.  When I needed a runner to for government concerns, I pay someone from the office.  Likewise when my husband needed one to have his car checked or renew registration he would pay an office driver to do them.  Now we no longer have that connection so we do it on our own. 

When we catch up with friends from the former office, they'll talk about the office.  What good is that?  That's our past, we left that already, shouldn't we look forward to the future.  The sooner we wean ourselves from our former work, the experts advise, the easier our adjustment will be. 

What is there to do then?  How do we fill our days?  If we were busy persons at work, we will look for that kind of lifestyle.  We will look for those regular meetings, preparing reports and meeting deadlines;  team coordination on special events, brainstorming for upcoming projects and other discussions and interactions that pump up our adrenaline.  

We miss the feeling of belonging; the early morning coffee time exchanging grapevine news.  We miss the quick breakfast with a colleague or choosing where to get lunch delivery; we long for that tete-a-tete with an office friend.  We miss the after-work socials, the "one-for-the-road",  at a nearby bar, oftentimes ending up one too many if it gets interesting.  

How then can retirees move on???

I'm lucky that we had the convenience store to look after right after retirement.  That gave me a reason to get up; it kept me busy in the mornings.   In the afternoons I took it easy, read books and fixed things around the house that I meant to do earlier on.

Socialization could be a solution, it is highly recommended to build our social network.  In the getting acquainted stage however, we seem at a loss not knowing exactly how to introduced ourselves,   “err..the former administrator,  the former bank manager or the former VP". See, we are even reduced to just "no one".  How to describe ourselves?

Fellow seniors would invite us to their group, to do what they enjoy doing.  If we don't feel doing the same, experts suggest that it is okay to say no.  This is not the time to give in to peoples' invitation unlike when we had to play along in the corporate world.  This is the time when we are finally free, we had a career, we built a home,  we raised the children;  isn't it time to do what we want? 

But don't despair, retirement can open up new possibilities, but we have to do it alone or with our partner; together we make decisions and choices that will make us happy. 

When we wake up to a new day consider it as a gift that we should be grateful about.  We are still alive, strong and physically independent, lucid with a lot of experience, we could be assets to some institutions.  Yet when we look up towards the heavens, we don't get an answer.  

Would it be good to look inside our hearts and minds to get a head start?  Why don't we look back to the days when we were happiest and find out what we were doing then?  Let us look deep in our thoughts and be guided by our most treasured memories to discern how best we could live this third part of our lives.  It is not bad to do that again.

On the flip side, it is not also bad to try something new, after all it is often said that in life there are no wrong turns, only unexpected paths and situations.  Would we consider taking an unfamiliar path because this may lead us to the best places?