"It's over" , my husband said when I got home after I turned over our former home to the new owner.
"No regrets", I silently told myself. "The house is just a shell now. It's a blessing in disguise actually; we are in a better place".
Earlier at dawn, over coffee before my morning walk, I tried to look deep in my heart about letting go of our house of 38 years. I knew that I'm giving up the house today.
"How do you feel about this?"
I asked myself; I was surprised that I had no qualms going about it. In fact, while I was driving over to the house later, it even occurred to me that the buyer may back out after the deal has been sealed; that got me a bit worried there.
Two days ago when I iMessage my younger daughter that we were about to turn over the house, she asked:
"How do you and dad feel?"
I guessed that she was a bit concerned and she wanted to know whether we still hold the same sentiments about the house; and if that was so, I assumed that she wanted to help us make things a bit easier; a little moral support maybe, like comforting words that:
"everything will be fine, you'll see".
She and her siblings know that we planned to stay in that house forever until circumstances made us move out.
"After everything that happened, and after we removed our valuable stuff; it became just a house, besides the village is too busy now so 'there's no love lost' ", I sent back.
"I agree", she replied with a smile.
And it's true; actually I'm also surprised that letting go was that easy.
In the process of packing up our belongings some months ago, I was filled with a deep sadness, I was crying, emotions and disbelief consumed me, I almost couldn't breathe. For days, I was moving around on autopilot, often feeling sorry for myself; I couldn't fathom why we had to move out of that house. But I had to accept the situation,
"My Lord", I prayed, "if this is Your will, so be it; I believe that Your plans are better than our dreams".
Eventually, we were out of the storm, able to see the rainbow, and found our way back to normal again. Looking back, I know that it was the constant love and unconditional support of our children that got us through. Getting settled and fixing the new home was the exact therapy that consoled us, a distraction that helped us get on with our lives.
Today, when I turned over our former home, I thought that it would be a difficult and sad day for me; on the contrary I felt relieved. Was looking after the house a burden especially that we now live in another place quite farther away? Is it about leaving behind the baggage of our earlier lives? Is it because we believe that when a door closes, another will be opened? I think it's all of the above and more.
When I handed over the keys, I said to the new owner:
"Please take care of this house, it has served us well".
And to the house I said a silent:
"Thank you for providing a haven for our family".
I wont deny that we had been happy there regardless life's ups and downs; we have lots of great memories especially in the early days when our children were very young and most especially these last ten years. Now that they are all grown up, having their own families, I can still keep the memories, sans the house.
As my older daughter said:
"Mom, we can make lots of new memories in your new home."
And I believe her. For the last nine months, we already spent happy times here, there was my 70th birthday in July when all my children and their families were here, then last Christmas was one of the best Christmases I ever had. So, yes! We started making great memories again.
We are happy in this new home, everyday after a whole morning at my store, oftentimes tired and hungry, I feel invigorated as soon as I enter the village gate; a sense of peace and serenity never fail to engulf me.
The "icing of the cake" is our edible backyard garden. It is something that we wanted for the longest time. It has become our preoccupation, giving us so much joy and peace and renewed energy. Growing old here will be great.
Hello new home!
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